Around this time of the year, most people are pausing to reflect on the past year. Perhaps there are memories of a death, birth, lost relationship, graduation, promotion, setback, diagnosis, divorce, marriage, legal issue or an accident. Whatever the case might be, we set aside precious time to list what we expect from the new year. The things that we won't be dragging into a new year. The things that caused us to fall short, we often replace with a clause that the future year is going to be better. Some often quote the cliche "this is gonna be my year." Some are destined to make wiser decisions. The person who struggled with failing is probably writing that mistakes that occurred in 2011 won't happen next year.
Perhaps you're using a laptop, iPad, notebook pro or taking to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Wordpress, Blogspot or Xanga to pen your resolutions. Some are taking the old fashion route of writing their thoughts and feelings into a diary or journal...or the older person is somewhere writing their desires on a single index card and posting this in their bathroom mirror.
Whatever the case might be, new year's resolutions is nothing new. Penning them the days leading up to a new year gives us that motivation of how we anticipate a new beginning. A time to right the wrongs of the past because the excitement from the calendar change brings a sense of hope. A time to start afresh. Something new.
New.
New idea. New start. New birth. New challenge. New career. New friendship. New opportunity. New struggle. New education.
Whatever your new is, make them reasonable. Give yourself a timetable to accomplish them. Map out a plan of how you will reach the goal. Set checkpoints to revisit your resolutions. Often, you might have to revise or rewrite them completely. Trust me - once the joy of the new year fades, you'll need to find something to reignite the motivation of staying the course.
Good luck in your journey in 2012!!
29 December 2011
24 October 2011
Gym Lesson
While working out tonight, I noticed a heavier set lady struggling to use one of the machines. As I approached her to assist, she mumbled, "Today is my first day back in the gym. I don't know how this equipment works, and I just can't do it. I'm not ready!" At that very moment, I began to explain to her how the machine worked. I also told her, "You can do it. Do as many as you can, and each time you come in - just do more. Before you know it, you'll be fitted in no time."
This lady had no idea that as I was encouraging her, she was ultimately speaking into my life. See -- frustration often shows its face at the most inopportune times in my life. At the moment when I have made that firm commitment to pursue a goal that I have longed to reach, doubt appears out of nowhere and leads to an embraced rejection. The very thought of failing creeps in and often replaces the thirst of believing that I can conquer the vision that I once held so dear to me.
"Do as many as you can."
Those were the words that I uttered to the lady once she became familiar with properly maneuvering the equipment. Although she did only 3 reps, her radiant smile was admirable. It was clear that she was excited and content with her minor success.
How many times do I pause and reflect on the small things that I accomplish in life? Or do weep and complain about what I have not obtained?
In my #GymLesson, I took away two thoughts -- become more appreciative of those minuscule successes and to not give up on the end at the beginning!
This lady had no idea that as I was encouraging her, she was ultimately speaking into my life. See -- frustration often shows its face at the most inopportune times in my life. At the moment when I have made that firm commitment to pursue a goal that I have longed to reach, doubt appears out of nowhere and leads to an embraced rejection. The very thought of failing creeps in and often replaces the thirst of believing that I can conquer the vision that I once held so dear to me.
"Do as many as you can."
Those were the words that I uttered to the lady once she became familiar with properly maneuvering the equipment. Although she did only 3 reps, her radiant smile was admirable. It was clear that she was excited and content with her minor success.
How many times do I pause and reflect on the small things that I accomplish in life? Or do weep and complain about what I have not obtained?
In my #GymLesson, I took away two thoughts -- become more appreciative of those minuscule successes and to not give up on the end at the beginning!
15 October 2011
Gaining wisdom
That awkward moment when maturation sets in and I recognize that turning the other cheek reaches far greater than revenge.
On last week, I encountered a situation that was quite upsetting. My initial reaction was to get to the bottom of the misunderstanding and immediately rectify the wrong. Being filled with emotions, I could not stop thinking of how someone could take something so simple and multiply it to create unneeded chaos.
Although I wanted to ensure that everyone was on the same page about the incident, something inside of me would not allow me to address the situation. I am telling you -- it was extremely hard to remain quiet and not confront the happening. My mind kept replaying the incident, and the small voice inside of me continued echoing that if I stood idle and kept silent then what was broadcast must have some validity to it. It is a terrible thing when my mind goes into constant thought!
Nonetheless, the lesson I learned by keeping still is that the truth will always prevail. In times past, I would have definitely tried seeking retaliation. But it is a sure thing to smile and accept the fact that life often creates teaching opportunities. Whether being willfully or forced into those moments, the greater part is the trial by fires that allow me to put into action the things that I have been taught to see if there is any authenticity to it!
On last week, I encountered a situation that was quite upsetting. My initial reaction was to get to the bottom of the misunderstanding and immediately rectify the wrong. Being filled with emotions, I could not stop thinking of how someone could take something so simple and multiply it to create unneeded chaos.
Although I wanted to ensure that everyone was on the same page about the incident, something inside of me would not allow me to address the situation. I am telling you -- it was extremely hard to remain quiet and not confront the happening. My mind kept replaying the incident, and the small voice inside of me continued echoing that if I stood idle and kept silent then what was broadcast must have some validity to it. It is a terrible thing when my mind goes into constant thought!
Nonetheless, the lesson I learned by keeping still is that the truth will always prevail. In times past, I would have definitely tried seeking retaliation. But it is a sure thing to smile and accept the fact that life often creates teaching opportunities. Whether being willfully or forced into those moments, the greater part is the trial by fires that allow me to put into action the things that I have been taught to see if there is any authenticity to it!
17 September 2011
thinking
it's those small things that we take for granted: job, health care, good health, food, water, shelter, access to obtain a quality education, freedom to worship/speak, family and the list goes on.
... a day of reflection.
... a day of reflection.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
16 September 2011
keep fighting
it hit me.
at that moment, i began to lay the framework, but reality set in. i got discouraged and began to doubt the vision. but i promise you - i was only doing everything that i saw. for some time, i struggled and cried and wondered how i would make it happen. a part of me wanted to let someone know ... anyone that would listen. however, the still small voice inside of me wouldn't let me speak of it. i'm telling you - it was a fight ... many late nights, tears of uncertainty, challenging the purpose, how it would be received and whether it would make a difference. i didn't know what to do because everything was working against me.
i wanted to take the easiest way out and give up on what i saw.
... but that extra push came right in time! i was sitting in my hotel room listening to a podcast. i can only remember a few words that he uttered, "keep fighting." so simple. yea, i know. but that was all i needed to hear at that moment in time. often, we try to come up with an elaborate speech and fail to get the point across.
so as i look at this new challenge that has presented itself before me on this windy friday, all i can revert back to is those two simple words: keep fighting.
at that moment, i began to lay the framework, but reality set in. i got discouraged and began to doubt the vision. but i promise you - i was only doing everything that i saw. for some time, i struggled and cried and wondered how i would make it happen. a part of me wanted to let someone know ... anyone that would listen. however, the still small voice inside of me wouldn't let me speak of it. i'm telling you - it was a fight ... many late nights, tears of uncertainty, challenging the purpose, how it would be received and whether it would make a difference. i didn't know what to do because everything was working against me.
i wanted to take the easiest way out and give up on what i saw.
... but that extra push came right in time! i was sitting in my hotel room listening to a podcast. i can only remember a few words that he uttered, "keep fighting." so simple. yea, i know. but that was all i needed to hear at that moment in time. often, we try to come up with an elaborate speech and fail to get the point across.
so as i look at this new challenge that has presented itself before me on this windy friday, all i can revert back to is those two simple words: keep fighting.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
15 September 2011
dear God
i am so conflicted right now. my life is a direct contradiction, and i feel so convicted. please God, arrest my desires and release your unfailing strength. when my will is to say yes, give me that courage to boldy walk away. i know what's right, but i often find myself doing otherwise. give me the spirit to chase after u - even when it's unpopular. allow my personal conversations with you reflect my outter living. help me to deny my selfish ways and grow closer to you. this walk is not easy, and i find myself being pulled further away from you. God, i realize that i need you. amen.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
08 September 2011
rough week
this week has been one of a kind.
i received a call from my mom letting me know that my cousin was found at the bottom of the pool in a drowning death. then, i spent nearly 2 days in the E-R with breathing issues and tosilitis. whew! can this week be over already?!
this sickness has really taken a toll. for the most part, i've been confined to one area, drentched in sweat and barely able to speak. this is something that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy ... talking about a bad feeling!
i feel really bad that i haven't been able to spend time with my family during this loss, but it is amazing to listen to how everyone has pulled together to get through this as one. that's why i love my family!!
i received a call from my mom letting me know that my cousin was found at the bottom of the pool in a drowning death. then, i spent nearly 2 days in the E-R with breathing issues and tosilitis. whew! can this week be over already?!
this sickness has really taken a toll. for the most part, i've been confined to one area, drentched in sweat and barely able to speak. this is something that i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy ... talking about a bad feeling!
i feel really bad that i haven't been able to spend time with my family during this loss, but it is amazing to listen to how everyone has pulled together to get through this as one. that's why i love my family!!
01 September 2011
world's vision
have you ever stopped to compare your life to someone else's? perhaps you realize that you are not as popular on the social scene as the next, or does not make as much money as another. what about being stuck in a dead-end job and the person next to you appears to be moving seamlessly forward in their career? or the best friend who has been in a promising relationship and the final stage is for him to ask her father for her hand in marriage -- all the while you cannot even get asked on a date! no, what about having older brothers who have children and you battle an inner demon of being gay and your parents constantly harass you about grandchildren?
life has a weird way of reminding us of how human and often un-human we are. wrestling with the very idea that we are different but yet equal is quite contradictory in itself. nonetheless, we push forward throughout life and embody many characters of who we are. on the one hand, display window #1 depicts that all is well. then, with those who we are comfortable with, we share our true hurts, cares and worries. because of course we were raised that "what goes on in this house stays". it is no one's business of what experiences that might present themselves. we were taught to be a man and not cry. afterall, it is a man's law violation to cry or have emotions -- all the while, if those tears are not shed, the steam builds and could possible create a stronger rage once it is released. troubling, huh?
next, there is the moral barometer that society has established that some expects us to live by. but in all honestly, it is often easier and convenient to live without those established norms. yep, life is f'n awkward! that outer appearance often does not mirror how one feels on the inside. throughout different stages in life, you were taught to embody the personality of a king -- although you have, and continue, to deal with insecurities, financial hardships, depressions, past molestations, let downs, low self-esteem and even hidden addictions. then to only be presented with a book of rules that was translated by a man that tells us what we should strive towards. the book that contradicts itself. on sundays, it appears to be one the best books ever written, but by monday when confronted by challenges - everything that was taught from the previous day becomes mute. the sentiments of our hearts feel that what sounded grand becomes too unobtainable.
... only to discover that you did not develop into this creature overnight. it started in childhood. whether it was growing up and participating in a sport's league that your parents signed you up for that you didn't want to be a part of to being dropped off at recital - knowing good and well that you had no interest in the arts.
so is life.
what i have discovered that it is perfectly okay to be at a point of leading a life filled with many oxymorons. this allow others to recognize that we all have those things that we would rather not address. which often correlates to that transparent lifestyle where we are not afraid to ask for help ... that pride-removed character that removes the embarrassments of admitting those shortcomings, mistakes, weaknesses or mishaps.
i long for a generation that allows everyone the opportunity to place their very life on a stage where we are all free from judgment. what a world that would be?!
life has a weird way of reminding us of how human and often un-human we are. wrestling with the very idea that we are different but yet equal is quite contradictory in itself. nonetheless, we push forward throughout life and embody many characters of who we are. on the one hand, display window #1 depicts that all is well. then, with those who we are comfortable with, we share our true hurts, cares and worries. because of course we were raised that "what goes on in this house stays". it is no one's business of what experiences that might present themselves. we were taught to be a man and not cry. afterall, it is a man's law violation to cry or have emotions -- all the while, if those tears are not shed, the steam builds and could possible create a stronger rage once it is released. troubling, huh?
next, there is the moral barometer that society has established that some expects us to live by. but in all honestly, it is often easier and convenient to live without those established norms. yep, life is f'n awkward! that outer appearance often does not mirror how one feels on the inside. throughout different stages in life, you were taught to embody the personality of a king -- although you have, and continue, to deal with insecurities, financial hardships, depressions, past molestations, let downs, low self-esteem and even hidden addictions. then to only be presented with a book of rules that was translated by a man that tells us what we should strive towards. the book that contradicts itself. on sundays, it appears to be one the best books ever written, but by monday when confronted by challenges - everything that was taught from the previous day becomes mute. the sentiments of our hearts feel that what sounded grand becomes too unobtainable.
... only to discover that you did not develop into this creature overnight. it started in childhood. whether it was growing up and participating in a sport's league that your parents signed you up for that you didn't want to be a part of to being dropped off at recital - knowing good and well that you had no interest in the arts.
so is life.
what i have discovered that it is perfectly okay to be at a point of leading a life filled with many oxymorons. this allow others to recognize that we all have those things that we would rather not address. which often correlates to that transparent lifestyle where we are not afraid to ask for help ... that pride-removed character that removes the embarrassments of admitting those shortcomings, mistakes, weaknesses or mishaps.
i long for a generation that allows everyone the opportunity to place their very life on a stage where we are all free from judgment. what a world that would be?!
23 August 2011
significant tear
epitome of the struggle that is pressing
trial that seems so excruciating
sorrows that lie deep within but is naked to the eye
invisible pattern that is constantly traced
lost in an uncomfortable environment
solace in the fact that all is well
constant reminders that tragedies are a knock away
dignity to walk in boldly but unable to mentally possess the stature that is exhibited
confident but unsure
image and the reminder
scares and bruises that keep the knee planted to the ground
dark clouds that hides in the shadows of the sun
tears that slowly fade into an area that erases the past hurts
cry that brings memories of abuse and neglect
feeling of being left alone in a one-way deserted island
monstrous frown that pierces the depths of the emotional tissue
nothing but yet walking away conquering
without and plentiful
t h e d r o p
07 June 2011
09 May 2011
Whitney's back in rehab.
CNN is reporting that her publicist confirmed that she voluntarily entered an out-patient rehab program.
While it makes my heart sink to learn that she is battling a terrible addiction, it brings me courage to know that she had enough strength to seek additional treatment.
I have never had to face being addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I do have other personal struggles that I deal with. Back in February, I wrote a blog on addictions. Here goes:
February 5, 2011:
My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.
These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!
No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.
When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!
I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.
CNN is reporting that her publicist confirmed that she voluntarily entered an out-patient rehab program.
While it makes my heart sink to learn that she is battling a terrible addiction, it brings me courage to know that she had enough strength to seek additional treatment.
I have never had to face being addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I do have other personal struggles that I deal with. Back in February, I wrote a blog on addictions. Here goes:
February 5, 2011:
My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.
These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!
No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.
When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!
I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.
07 May 2011
Before I hit the streets to run these 13 mi, happy birthday to me!
I am finally 25. This really hit me when my parents called to bid me a great day at 4 this morning. Although I didn't answer, their intent was well received. They tried calling me at the time I was born. Sorry, I was knocked out!!
Reflecting on this last year, I realize that I am still a kid at heart. I'm not sure why I was rushing to complete undergrad and grad schools so fast. More now than ever, I find myself enjoying a great drink, partying and being around great company. I guess it's true when mom said, "You'll understand it later. Keep on living!" (Why was I so rebellious?) I say this because she would tell me to slow down and enjoy life. Perhaps I was on the fast-track because I felt the moment would slip away if I didn't cease the opportunities ... not sure.
While I find myself wanting to have a good time, I now have to be cognizant that I have a lot more obligations, proteges looking up to me and have to protect the advancement in my career. I'm super excited to be surrounded by great coworkers, an amazing boss, caring mentors, and patient friends - who are all my strongest advocates.
Going into the next quarter of a century, I definitely want to work on framing myself as humble, less shy and living on purpose.
Leaving you with this video...
I am finally 25. This really hit me when my parents called to bid me a great day at 4 this morning. Although I didn't answer, their intent was well received. They tried calling me at the time I was born. Sorry, I was knocked out!!
Reflecting on this last year, I realize that I am still a kid at heart. I'm not sure why I was rushing to complete undergrad and grad schools so fast. More now than ever, I find myself enjoying a great drink, partying and being around great company. I guess it's true when mom said, "You'll understand it later. Keep on living!" (Why was I so rebellious?) I say this because she would tell me to slow down and enjoy life. Perhaps I was on the fast-track because I felt the moment would slip away if I didn't cease the opportunities ... not sure.
While I find myself wanting to have a good time, I now have to be cognizant that I have a lot more obligations, proteges looking up to me and have to protect the advancement in my career. I'm super excited to be surrounded by great coworkers, an amazing boss, caring mentors, and patient friends - who are all my strongest advocates.
Going into the next quarter of a century, I definitely want to work on framing myself as humble, less shy and living on purpose.
Leaving you with this video...
04 May 2011
Sally Kern: 2011's face of racism and sexism
Sally Kern, a republican representative in Oklahoma let us have it! She told us just how she felt about blacks and women.While debating a constitutional amendment to strip affirmative action in Oklahoma, Kern said, “We have a high percentage of blacks in prison, and that’s tragic, but are they in prison just because they are black or because they don’t want to study as hard in school? I’ve taught school, and I saw a lot of people of color who didn’t study hard because they said the government would take care of them.”
And she did not end. She went on to say, “Women usually don't want to work as hard as a man... women tend to think a little bit more about their family, wanting to be at home more time, wanting to have a little more leisure time.”
Two days ago, members within the OK House voted, 76-16, to reprimand her, while others are calling for her to step down.
I find it very interesting that we are still dealing with issues of racism – especially coming from the wife of a preacher. Besides being a racist and sexist, she is very much homophobic, too! Back in 2008, she said that gay people were more of a threat than terrorists. Huh? Where did she get this from?
Kern is not new to politics. She has been in office since 2004, and she is currently serving her fourth term. This means that for four consecutive times when Oklahomans went to the poll, the majority decided to vote for her. Do people really subscribe to her beliefs?
#PrayingForOklahoma
03 May 2011
13 April 2011
01 April 2011
It has been a minute since I last logged on and created a blog entry. For the past few weeks, I have been extremely busy. So here's a brief update:
It's so hard to believe that I actually have 5 chapters written in this book! Whew. Writing has consumed most of the free time that I have. Also, I have started the process of beginning a 501c3 and putting together a business plan. More to come later. Lastly, working a full-time job, teaching as an adjunct part-time and studying is all catching up with me. Needless to say, I need a vacay from it all (except from the track field ... running gives me life).
Catch up later!
It's so hard to believe that I actually have 5 chapters written in this book! Whew. Writing has consumed most of the free time that I have. Also, I have started the process of beginning a 501c3 and putting together a business plan. More to come later. Lastly, working a full-time job, teaching as an adjunct part-time and studying is all catching up with me. Needless to say, I need a vacay from it all (except from the track field ... running gives me life).
Catch up later!
02 March 2011
I absolutely hate being sick. It was something in the food, from last night. Yikes! Nonetheless, today is going to be a real easy day. No work, but I am definitely going to visit the doctor. Leaving you all with one of the greatest songs around!
#NowPlaying Keeper of My Soul (Psalm 121) - Juanita Bynum
#NowPlaying Keeper of My Soul (Psalm 121) - Juanita Bynum
27 February 2011
18 February 2011
If it’s meant to be it’ll happen.
Those are the words of my high school mentor to me when I was worried about getting accepted into college. Unfortunately, I was not admitted to my first choice. At the time, I didn’t understand why.
Fast-forward.
Next, I applied to social and professional organizations that I felt would fuel momentum to move ahead. I didn't get accepted into some.
Fast-forward, again!
Later, I applied for several positions that I was the finalist for. I didn’t get them either.
Fast-forward, some more.
When I finally decided to start dating, it was the rejection that hurt the most.
And now that I’m making some crucial life transitions, I have to constantly remind myself, that for whatever reason, whether good or bad – I can’t force things to fit where they don’t belong. Knowing this, I’ll have to suck up my pride and allow life to happen as is.
13 February 2011
Poster child
I haven't written poetry in a minute, but today I went back to where I first started. Here's a piece that I penned when I experienced a sudden shift back in 2006, entitled "Poster child". Enjoy!
Poster child
by Ken
I am no longer the poster child
by Ken
I am no longer the poster child
Sitting here with my antiquated blue suit and outlandish pin-striped tie
I am the face of the older generation
When the epidemic was so great and the plight of our community was inevitable
Boy have we come a long way
I am no longer the poster child
We have come to embrace and accept the smile
It is now perfectly okay to laugh through the tear
Campaigns have been enacted all across the world
Boy this launch is progressive
I am no longer the poster child
As my dimple peaks through a successful treatment
Society now tries to understand our quandaries
In a world where the younger are encouraged
Boy we have to hold fast to the movement
I am no longer the poster child
My heart ached for someone to recognize the sentiments of the struggle
The displacement and disproportionate impact is unsettled
Looking through these lenses, perhaps it’s promising
Boy don’t let this moment escape us
11 February 2011
Since the first day my mom dropped me off at Sam Houston back in 2004, she has faithfully called me at 7:30 EVERY morning. At first, the calls were great. Now, I've grown to expect them. Sometimes I reach over and hit "ignore". Other times I pause and listen to the phone vibrate. Then, there are times when I actually answer. Each time she hears a "hello" from me, she's surprised.
One thing I love about my mom is her persistence. If I go an entire week hitting the ignore button, she continues to pick up the phone and dial my number. I definitely need to do better, but she just calls too early! I've told her to start calling at 8:30 or 9. By then, I'd be ready to have an endless conversation about nothing! At 7:30, I haven't even gotten out the bed to take Barlow outside.
Nonetheless, I appreciate the calls. I dread the day that the calls stop or the day when she goes to dial my number and there's no more me.
Ah, I love my mom and dad! #GoodPeeps
One thing I love about my mom is her persistence. If I go an entire week hitting the ignore button, she continues to pick up the phone and dial my number. I definitely need to do better, but she just calls too early! I've told her to start calling at 8:30 or 9. By then, I'd be ready to have an endless conversation about nothing! At 7:30, I haven't even gotten out the bed to take Barlow outside.
Nonetheless, I appreciate the calls. I dread the day that the calls stop or the day when she goes to dial my number and there's no more me.
Ah, I love my mom and dad! #GoodPeeps
10 February 2011
08 February 2011
My mom said it best, "Ken, even if you have to stand alone, don't compromise your integrity." She left out the part that it would not be an easy task to do!
Last Friday, I experienced a situation that I was not expecting. It hit me in the face from nowhere. Some would even say it was minor. I had the opportunity to follow the lead or to stand up for what was right. In doing so, I am at so much peace that I decided to remove myself from the unexpected and ultimately keep my decorum in tact.
In life, it is the small things that say a lot about a person's character. Everyone has a unique personality, but when there is blatant disrespect towards another person, I have made a personal pledge that I won't stand by and idly watch ... unacceptable.
Moving from adolescent to young adult, I have to be an example and a mentor to those who are coming behind me. Definitely I have made some mistakes, did some regrettable things, placed myself in some compromising situations and even indulged in some risky behavior. Am I now a pope, priest or bishop? Absolutely not. But at this point in life, I have to make a conscious decision to move forward from old behavior and place myself on a path that is less destructive.
#Maturing
Last Friday, I experienced a situation that I was not expecting. It hit me in the face from nowhere. Some would even say it was minor. I had the opportunity to follow the lead or to stand up for what was right. In doing so, I am at so much peace that I decided to remove myself from the unexpected and ultimately keep my decorum in tact.
In life, it is the small things that say a lot about a person's character. Everyone has a unique personality, but when there is blatant disrespect towards another person, I have made a personal pledge that I won't stand by and idly watch ... unacceptable.
Moving from adolescent to young adult, I have to be an example and a mentor to those who are coming behind me. Definitely I have made some mistakes, did some regrettable things, placed myself in some compromising situations and even indulged in some risky behavior. Am I now a pope, priest or bishop? Absolutely not. But at this point in life, I have to make a conscious decision to move forward from old behavior and place myself on a path that is less destructive.
#Maturing
06 February 2011
05 February 2011
Dear Ken,
My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.
These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!
No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.
When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!
I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.
My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.
These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!
No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.
When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!
I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.
02 February 2011
22 January 2011
18 January 2011
Fee Frustrations
Dear Ken,
So I tried something new: Online Bill Pay. Apparently, I misread (or didn't understand) what Bank of America was requesting of me. Today, I received about 5 checks in the mail - thinking the payments were being sent to the appropriate creditors. I immediately went to the websites of where the checks were intended to be sent and started making payments online. To my surprise, these companies are charging ridiculous convenience fees.
One company wanted $5, another company $3.75, get this - one wanted $13!!! Hell NO!
Needless to say, I am super frustrated right now. Why in the hell am I charged a fee to pay a bill? Forget paying bills online; I'll just resort to the old school method and mail in my payments! These companies are assessing some really absurd and astronomical fees. So much for moving forward...
#UGH
So I tried something new: Online Bill Pay. Apparently, I misread (or didn't understand) what Bank of America was requesting of me. Today, I received about 5 checks in the mail - thinking the payments were being sent to the appropriate creditors. I immediately went to the websites of where the checks were intended to be sent and started making payments online. To my surprise, these companies are charging ridiculous convenience fees.
One company wanted $5, another company $3.75, get this - one wanted $13!!! Hell NO!
Needless to say, I am super frustrated right now. Why in the hell am I charged a fee to pay a bill? Forget paying bills online; I'll just resort to the old school method and mail in my payments! These companies are assessing some really absurd and astronomical fees. So much for moving forward...
#UGH
10 January 2011
Growing pains
Dear Ken,
My calf muscles are beat!
On the weekends I am able to run longer distances in preparation for the upcoming marathon. Usually, I do not feel the agonizing pain until a few days later. What I've noticed is that as I progress in mileage, the worse the pain gets. A friend, who has been running for years, mentioned that the muscles have to get familiar with the longer distances. As I continue to progress, the pain should become less obvious. Lets hope so because I had to limp around the office today.
So much for growing!
My calf muscles are beat!
On the weekends I am able to run longer distances in preparation for the upcoming marathon. Usually, I do not feel the agonizing pain until a few days later. What I've noticed is that as I progress in mileage, the worse the pain gets. A friend, who has been running for years, mentioned that the muscles have to get familiar with the longer distances. As I continue to progress, the pain should become less obvious. Lets hope so because I had to limp around the office today.
So much for growing!
09 January 2011
Dear Ken,
These past twenty-four years have been a roller coaster. It seems like each year, my passion and drive for life changes. At one point, I wanted to have a career in journalism and the next year, I fell in love with higher education. Now, there seems to be another desire. So much for having clear direction with Sallie Mae knocking at the front door!! I guess I'll frame the bachelor and master degrees and wait for future career opportunities.
On a side note - as I prepare to head off to church, I am recalling past memories. I wrote an entry to an acquaintance who claimed to be having a difficult time moving past an old friend. In my response, and what continues to resonate with me, I wrote: some memories are worth forgetting. I guess I'll cling to the very words that I shared with him. I'll post more about this later. Church is starting; I need to hop in the shower.
Happy Sunday!
These past twenty-four years have been a roller coaster. It seems like each year, my passion and drive for life changes. At one point, I wanted to have a career in journalism and the next year, I fell in love with higher education. Now, there seems to be another desire. So much for having clear direction with Sallie Mae knocking at the front door!! I guess I'll frame the bachelor and master degrees and wait for future career opportunities.
On a side note - as I prepare to head off to church, I am recalling past memories. I wrote an entry to an acquaintance who claimed to be having a difficult time moving past an old friend. In my response, and what continues to resonate with me, I wrote: some memories are worth forgetting. I guess I'll cling to the very words that I shared with him. I'll post more about this later. Church is starting; I need to hop in the shower.
Happy Sunday!
03 January 2011
My life is not my own!!
Dear Ken,
Three days into 2011, and I am going back to my first love. Wow. These three days have been extremely refreshing. I've longed to be back in this position with God. This is the most incredible feeling, ever. I didn't realize how far I had drifted away from Him. But I'm so glad that He didn't give up on me. Each day has been a test, but I have made a commitment that this year will be extremely different. Didn't realize that giving up some friendships would be difficult, but I promise - God is more important to me right now!
My life is not my own. To you I belong. I give myself to you.
Three days into 2011, and I am going back to my first love. Wow. These three days have been extremely refreshing. I've longed to be back in this position with God. This is the most incredible feeling, ever. I didn't realize how far I had drifted away from Him. But I'm so glad that He didn't give up on me. Each day has been a test, but I have made a commitment that this year will be extremely different. Didn't realize that giving up some friendships would be difficult, but I promise - God is more important to me right now!
My life is not my own. To you I belong. I give myself to you.
01 January 2011
Little to no time ... 11 targets
Dear Ken,
The past two weeks have been incredibly busy - shopping, entertaining and celebrating the holiday festivities. Most, if not all, of my energy has been exhausted.
I am not too big on making resolutions for the new year; however, this year, I came up with 11 targets that I hope to achieve, in no particular order:
-spend more time with family
-finish writing the book
-exercise/workout consistently
-less drinking
-narrow down educational goals
-progress in my career
-less partying
-strengthen relationship with God
-live without regrets
-open myself up to be loved :-)
-establish solid friendships & surround myself with positive influences and re-evaluate current friendships
The past two weeks have been incredibly busy - shopping, entertaining and celebrating the holiday festivities. Most, if not all, of my energy has been exhausted.
I am not too big on making resolutions for the new year; however, this year, I came up with 11 targets that I hope to achieve, in no particular order:
-spend more time with family
-finish writing the book
-exercise/workout consistently
-less drinking
-narrow down educational goals
-progress in my career
-less partying
-strengthen relationship with God
-live without regrets
-open myself up to be loved :-)
-establish solid friendships & surround myself with positive influences and re-evaluate current friendships
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)