keep fighting

it hit me.

at that moment, i began to lay the framework, but reality set in. i got discouraged and began to doubt the vision. but i promise you - i was only doing everything that i saw. for some time, i struggled and cried and wondered how i would make it happen. a part of me wanted to let someone know ... anyone that would listen. however, the still small voice inside of me wouldn't let me speak of it. i'm telling you - it was a fight ... many late nights, tears of uncertainty, challenging the purpose, how it would be received and whether it would make a difference. i didn't know what to do because everything was working against me.

i wanted to take the easiest way out and give up on what i saw.

... but that extra push came right in time! i was sitting in my hotel room listening to a podcast. i can only remember a few words that he uttered, "keep fighting." so simple. yea, i know. but that was all i needed to hear at that moment in time. often, we try to come up with an elaborate speech and fail to get the point across.

so as i look at this new challenge that has presented itself before me on this windy friday, all i can revert back to is those two simple words: keep fighting.

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Of two minds

Dear Ken,

Today is one of those days. Lately, when I have been feeling some kind of way, I have refrained from writing about it. It is refreshing to remember how writing makes everything seems so peaceful and calm. Thankfully, nothing too major is happening; my drive and passion has just been temporarily exhausted. In moments like this, I have to pause and contemplate the next phases in my life. It is amazing and, yet, bittersweet to have awakening opportunities. The growing pains - not so much.

Looking back on life, I am overwhelmed with excitement of how each obstacle has built upon the next. During the period of uncertainty, I was confused, but after experiencing the unfortunates, it seems like everything fell in place. Kinda makes me think about the scripture "all things work together for the good..." You all know the rest.

Recently, things have not worked out as I have hoped. What do you do when you have a perfect plan or beautiful dream and it falls backwards? I'm telling you - it hasn't been easy. How about when you have to a tie a knot at the end of your rope and hold on to the last little bit of string that is left? Even harder!

Sometimes, it is extremely embarrassing to be completely transparent about life. But as I move from one year to the next, it seems like what I have once thought was difficult to talk about is rolling a lot smoother from my lips. For some strange reason, life has a way of making you face the truths of being strong and unsure, weak and bold, a success and having failures all at once.

So as I move from yesterday to today, I have to make a conscious effort to persevere in the face of setbacks and ambiguous moments. I have to reach deep and pull up the often forgotten strength to endure in times of weaknesses, and rely on the sometimes bruised faith to get me over these steep mountains. Oh for the love of challenges!

#LetsGo

Texas Giant

About two years ago, a friend and I decided on taking a last minute trip to an amusement park. He was surprised when I told him that I had never been on the Texas Giant. With much anticipation, our first course of action when we arrived was to get on the big high-rise. Waiting in line, I remember my heart was beating so hard that it could have jumped out at any moment. The thought of going up over 140 feet in the air, on wood, was scary. Therefore, I asked to sit closer to the back.

The relevance of this ride in comparison to life is that often times, we have slow ups -- the challenges or situations that we avoid because they appear minor but eventually blow up in the end. Then, there are the fast downs -- when obstacles appear to be stacked on top of the other and the only alternatives that seems hopeful are: to quit, give up everything and walk away, throw a self-tantrum or to quit. Then, the side-to-sides are the opportunities that looks promising one day and then all of a sudden, swift change occurs without adequate notice. Finally, the rollercoaster was rather bumpy with heavy shakes. Hmmm. Sounds similar to life, right?

This proved to be one of the most interesting rides because when I got off the Texas Giant, I had a massive headache; one that I had never experienced before. The odd part is that the headache lasted for only a few minutes. The small pain that I felt then equates to natural struggles that appear hopeless in the moment, but once surviving what seems insurmountable, the growth, laughter and simple experience makes life all the more enjoyable. Now I'm thinking... I just can't wait until opening day on February 28th, so that I can hop onto the Texas Giant and experience in 3 minutes what life sometimes feel like.

*knockout*