Dear Ken,

My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.

These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!

No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.

When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!

I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.