have you ever stopped to compare your life to someone else's? perhaps you realize that you are not as popular on the social scene as the next, or does not make as much money as another. what about being stuck in a dead-end job and the person next to you appears to be moving seamlessly forward in their career? or the best friend who has been in a promising relationship and the final stage is for him to ask her father for her hand in marriage -- all the while you cannot even get asked on a date! no, what about having older brothers who have children and you battle an inner demon of being gay and your parents constantly harass you about grandchildren?
life has a weird way of reminding us of how human and often un-human we are. wrestling with the very idea that we are different but yet equal is quite contradictory in itself. nonetheless, we push forward throughout life and embody many characters of who we are. on the one hand, display window #1 depicts that all is well. then, with those who we are comfortable with, we share our true hurts, cares and worries. because of course we were raised that "what goes on in this house stays". it is no one's business of what experiences that might present themselves. we were taught to be a man and not cry. afterall, it is a man's law violation to cry or have emotions -- all the while, if those tears are not shed, the steam builds and could possible create a stronger rage once it is released. troubling, huh?
next, there is the moral barometer that society has established that some expects us to live by. but in all honestly, it is often easier and convenient to live without those established norms. yep, life is f'n awkward! that outer appearance often does not mirror how one feels on the inside. throughout different stages in life, you were taught to embody the personality of a king -- although you have, and continue, to deal with insecurities, financial hardships, depressions, past molestations, let downs, low self-esteem and even hidden addictions. then to only be presented with a book of rules that was translated by a man that tells us what we should strive towards. the book that contradicts itself. on sundays, it appears to be one the best books ever written, but by monday when confronted by challenges - everything that was taught from the previous day becomes mute. the sentiments of our hearts feel that what sounded grand becomes too unobtainable.
... only to discover that you did not develop into this creature overnight. it started in childhood. whether it was growing up and participating in a sport's league that your parents signed you up for that you didn't want to be a part of to being dropped off at recital - knowing good and well that you had no interest in the arts.
so is life.
what i have discovered that it is perfectly okay to be at a point of leading a life filled with many oxymorons. this allow others to recognize that we all have those things that we would rather not address. which often correlates to that transparent lifestyle where we are not afraid to ask for help ... that pride-removed character that removes the embarrassments of admitting those shortcomings, mistakes, weaknesses or mishaps.
i long for a generation that allows everyone the opportunity to place their very life on a stage where we are all free from judgment. what a world that would be?!
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