This one vice is getting the best of me. Often times, I think, "if I didn't struggle in this area, I would be ok." This truly keeps my face to the ground. Not out of embarrassment but in hopes of establishing some sort of plan to do better. I look at the situation day in and day out and nothing seems to improve. I might go a week without thinking of engaging, but sometimes, the weight of doing overshadows the times without.
Removing the mask and confronting this issue head on has been quite difficult. I've tried fasting in hopes of gaining some sort of discipline ... much failure! And then, professional help, ie counseling didn't help either. So I look at this and ask, "what do I do next?" Should I reevaluate the situation and continue to make excuses or microscopically examine the root cause? Well, at least, that's what the highly recommended counselor suggested. And after I've gotten to the bottom of the condition, then what?
Is is that I'm seeking one thing and forgetting the other? Or do I already have what I'm seeking and lack the self-control? Whatever the case might be, all I know is that I stand by what I wrote earlier: "This one vice is getting the best of me".
What are your struggles?
1 comment:
We all have struggles; no matter the strong discipline person outwardly shown. The difference in most is not they do not have struggles, but how they manage them. For me, my struggle is about the call on my life. It is everpresent, pressing upon my soul, resting upon my heart, plaguing my mind, and even when I tried to hide it, it rears its head unabashed and strong. So, I decided to fall into, embrace it, and let it live as is. I do not have to tell anyone what it is, or answer questions about this gift, it arrives and people accept it, and then select themselves in or out of my life for it. I cannopt say this is always easy, but I have found more peace, and my faith tell me grace and mercy keeps say ~ not guilty...Living my truth grants me less struggle, and authentic peace. Those who love me, love me as me...it is, what it is...
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