.25 for 25 yrs @ Glorias 4-14-11

It has been a minute since I last logged on and created a blog entry.  For the past few weeks, I have been extremely busy. So here's a brief update:

It's so hard to believe that I actually have 5 chapters written in this book!  Whew.  Writing has consumed most of the free time that I have.  Also, I have started the process of beginning a 501c3 and putting together a business plan.  More to come later.  Lastly, working a full-time job, teaching as an adjunct part-time and studying is all catching up with me.  Needless to say, I need a vacay from it all (except from the track field ... running gives me life).

Catch up later!

I absolutely hate being sick. It was something in the food, from last night. Yikes! Nonetheless, today is going to be a real easy day. No work, but I am definitely going to visit the doctor. Leaving you all with one of the greatest songs around!

#NowPlaying Keeper of My Soul (Psalm 121) - Juanita Bynum

I am so exhausted right about now. Today was run day!!!  Those couple of hours were the best in my life ... just so proud I was able to finish! I need a full-body massage right about now.

If it’s meant to be it’ll happen.

Those are the words of my high school mentor to me when I was worried about getting accepted into college. Unfortunately, I was not admitted to my first choice. At the time, I didn’t understand why.

Fast-forward.

Next, I applied to social and professional organizations that I felt would fuel momentum to move ahead. I didn't get accepted into some.

Fast-forward, again!

Later, I applied for several positions that I was the finalist for. I didn’t get them either.

Fast-forward, some more.

When I finally decided to start dating, it was the rejection that hurt the most.

And now that I’m making some crucial life transitions, I have to constantly remind myself, that for whatever reason, whether good or bad – I can’t force things to fit where they don’t belong. Knowing this, I’ll have to suck up my pride and allow life to happen as is.

Poster child

I haven't written poetry in a minute, but today I went back to where I first started. Here's a piece that I penned when I experienced a sudden shift back in 2006, entitled "Poster child". Enjoy!

Poster child
by Ken

I am no longer the poster child

Sitting here with my antiquated blue suit and outlandish pin-striped tie

I am the face of the older generation

When the epidemic was so great and the plight of our community was inevitable

Boy have we come a long way

I am no longer the poster child

We have come to embrace and accept the smile

It is now perfectly okay to laugh through the tear

Campaigns have been enacted all across the world

Boy this launch is progressive

I am no longer the poster child

As my dimple peaks through a successful treatment

Society now tries to understand our quandaries

In a world where the younger are encouraged

Boy we have to hold fast to the movement

I am no longer the poster child

My heart ached for someone to recognize the sentiments of the struggle

The displacement and disproportionate impact is unsettled

Looking through these lenses, perhaps it’s promising

Boy don’t let this moment escape us

Since the first day my mom dropped me off at Sam Houston back in 2004, she has faithfully called me at 7:30 EVERY morning. At first, the calls were great. Now, I've grown to expect them. Sometimes I reach over and hit "ignore". Other times I pause and listen to the phone vibrate. Then, there are times when I actually answer. Each time she hears a "hello" from me, she's surprised.

One thing I love about my mom is her persistence. If I go an entire week hitting the ignore button, she continues to pick up the phone and dial my number. I definitely need to do better, but she just calls too early! I've told her to start calling at 8:30 or 9. By then, I'd be ready to have an endless conversation about nothing! At 7:30, I haven't even gotten out the bed to take Barlow outside.

Nonetheless, I appreciate the calls. I dread the day that the calls stop or the day when she goes to dial my number and there's no more me.

Ah, I love my mom and dad! #GoodPeeps

Ahhh, I hate procrastinating!

So yesterday, I did absolutely nothing, and I fault the weather.  I have some article revisions due by midnight. Lets hope they are error-free ... gotta do better!

My mom said it best, "Ken, even if you have to stand alone, don't compromise your integrity." She left out the part that it would not be an easy task to do!

Last Friday, I experienced a situation that I was not expecting. It hit me in the face from nowhere. Some would even say it was minor. I had the opportunity to follow the lead or to stand up for what was right. In doing so, I am at so much peace that I decided to remove myself from the unexpected and ultimately keep my decorum in tact.

In life, it is the small things that say a lot about a person's character. Everyone has a unique personality, but when there is blatant disrespect towards another person, I have made a personal pledge that I won't stand by and idly watch ... unacceptable.

Moving from adolescent to young adult, I have to be an example and a mentor to those who are coming behind me. Definitely I have made some mistakes, did some regrettable things, placed myself in some compromising situations and even indulged in some risky behavior. Am I now a pope, priest or bishop? Absolutely not. But at this point in life, I have to make a conscious decision to move forward from old behavior and place myself on a path that is less destructive.

#Maturing

This is why I love me some Whitney Houston!

Dear Ken,

My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.

These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!

No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.

When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!

I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.

Life, liberty and the the pursuit of happiness...

Dear God,

Please allow my public life to be a stage that aligns with what I confess to you in private. Forgive my shortcomings. Amen

Fee Frustrations

Dear Ken,

So I tried something new: Online Bill Pay. Apparently, I misread (or didn't understand) what Bank of America was requesting of me. Today, I received about 5 checks in the mail - thinking the payments were being sent to the appropriate creditors. I immediately went to the websites of where the checks were intended to be sent and started making payments online. To my surprise, these companies are charging ridiculous convenience fees.

One company wanted $5, another company $3.75, get this - one wanted $13!!! Hell NO!

Needless to say, I am super frustrated right now. Why in the hell am I charged a fee to pay a bill? Forget paying bills online; I'll just resort to the old school method and mail in my payments! These companies are assessing some really absurd and astronomical fees. So much for moving forward...

#UGH

Growing pains

Dear Ken,

My calf muscles are beat!

On the weekends I am able to run longer distances in preparation for the upcoming marathon.  Usually, I do not feel the agonizing pain until a few days later.  What I've noticed is that as I progress in mileage, the worse the pain gets.  A friend, who has been running for years, mentioned that the muscles have to get familiar with the longer distances. As I continue to progress, the pain should become less obvious. Lets hope so because I had to limp around the office today.

So much for growing!

Dear Ken,

These past twenty-four years have been a roller coaster. It seems like each year, my passion and drive for life changes. At one point, I wanted to have a career in journalism and the next year, I fell in love with higher education. Now, there seems to be another desire. So much for having clear direction with Sallie Mae knocking at the front door!! I guess I'll frame the bachelor and master degrees and wait for future career opportunities.

On a side note - as I prepare to head off to church, I am recalling past memories. I wrote an entry to an acquaintance who claimed to be having a difficult time moving past an old friend. In my response, and what continues to resonate with me, I wrote: some memories are worth forgetting. I guess I'll cling to the very words that I shared with him. I'll post more about this later. Church is starting; I need to hop in the shower.

Happy Sunday!

My life is not my own!!

Dear Ken,

Three days into 2011, and I am going back to my first love.  Wow. These three days have been extremely refreshing.  I've longed to be back in this position with God.  This is the most incredible feeling, ever.  I didn't realize how far I had drifted away from Him.  But I'm so glad that He didn't give up on me.  Each day has been a test, but I have made a commitment that this year will be extremely different.  Didn't realize that giving up some friendships would be difficult, but I promise - God is more important to me right now!

My life is not my own. To you I belong. I give myself to you.

 

Little to no time ... 11 targets

Dear Ken,

The past two weeks have been incredibly busy - shopping, entertaining and celebrating the holiday festivities. Most, if not all, of my energy has been exhausted.

I am not too big on making resolutions for the new year; however, this year, I came up with 11 targets that I hope to achieve, in no particular order:

-spend more time with family
-finish writing the book
-exercise/workout consistently
-less drinking
-narrow down educational goals
-progress in my career
-less partying
-strengthen relationship with God
-live without regrets
-open myself up to be loved :-)
-establish solid friendships & surround myself with positive influences and re-evaluate current friendships

FREEDOM!!!

Dear Ken,

This song right here echoes the sentiments of my heart!

Sony Vaio

This laptop screen is a little blurry. Perhaps the resolution needs adjusting ... I ain't sure! All I know is -- something's terribly wrong. I'm clueless because this picture looks weird. Sorta like my first time being exposed to this scenario.

Let me press the F5 key to see if the page would automatically refresh. Perhaps life could be this easy. But I'm not sure if my life could actually be revived. Life's innumerable enigmas have caught me off guard. As a young child, I sit here staring and gazing in amazement at the black keys wondering what would happen if I struck this 7 key. Would the Print Screen key show me my life on paper? Page Down cause that shit won't be nothing nice to look at. Can I skip over the lessons that I'd rather not encounter and Page Up when I want to repeat some of life encounters that were user-friendly and comfortable? Hell, let me Pause Break, repeatedly, when life seems less problematic and Scroll Lock once life acquires a tad bit of normalcy.

Oh wow... this bump is arduous, and I can't afford to expend more energy than necessary worrying about what I have no control over. I wonder if I CAPS LOCK and randomly tap a few keys -- would someone hear the echoes of my cry ... AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS? If not, I'll still cry. So, as I close my eyes, reach over and tap Enter to go to the next phase of my life, I can only pray that perhaps the next line would be less demanding.

I recognize those 1-2-3 characters because those were the simple lessons that life taught me. I even see an A-B and a C. Would this Shift Lock key highlight the struggles that I am too embarrass to confront or admit, and would this Backspace key allow me to back-out before I get in too far over my head? Ctrl Alt Delete might allow me to end this program before the virus takes over my laptop.

I Hear you!!!

Dear God,

I hate repeating lessons. This time, you have my undivided attention. I'm listening. Speak. #That'sAll

Ken

It's the principle of it!

I was standing at the checkout counter purchasing a gift card when an older guy approached. In a rather distracting tone he yelled at the cashier, “That machine didn’t give me my penny!” At that moment, I looked back and grinned, thinking he was joking. When the attendant ignored him, he got upset and repeated himself, “Lady … that machine right there didn’t give me my penny.” By then, I knew he was serious. So the cashier went into her pocket, obviously bothered, and handed the guy a penny.

As I walked out to my car, I jokingly asked the dude, “You wanted your penny, huh?” He said, “Yeah, man. It’s the principle of it. If they didn’t give me my penny, I wonder how many dollars they done took.” I laughed and went on my way.

When I got to work, I was telling a colleague what I had witnessed. At that point, I started dissecting what he had said. Ultimately, in the less-than-15-second conversation, I walked away thinking about the dangers of overlooking the small and simple stuff.

When does a situation become too big before we address it? Or when is it appropriate to turn a blind eye to something that appears minor?

Surely, most people do not turn back and ask for their penny. But how many times does the unhealthy relationship begin with a finger point to the head and then a push … eventually a slap and whatever else that follows?

Or when we recognize something is not right with our body, we acknowledge it, but do not seek the proper medical attention – only to find out later that the small pain was actually something greater than what we expected.

How about the first time Little Johnny cursed and we laughed it off … only to discover that the cursing turned into him becoming a Preschool bully, a juvenile delinquent by 15 and in prison for the rest of his life for capital murder?

It is the simple things, in life, that we overlook that could potentially cause the greatest harm. So while I laughed at the older guy checking out asking for his penny, I am able to laugh at myself for not really understanding what he meant when he said: “It’s the principle of it.”

thank you

Blogging during service

Dear Ken,

Right now, I am sitting in the middle of an unconventional worship service. A friend just text'd and asked, "What is going on in here?" It's so amazing to watch the Holy Spirit have its way - even when it is outside of our traditional methods. Folks are wrapped around the altar, weeping, tears flowing and are giving their life to Christ. #Beautiful

Simple lesson

Dear Ken,

I almost got got, yesterday!

United Airlines contacted me about setting up an account with their dividend mileage program. The agent over the phone sounded really convincing. She had me thinking "why the hell haven't I heard about this program?" You know - sorta like the frequent flyer miles with the other airlines.

I spoke with a colleague about how the program sounded too good to be true. She and I began researching on their website, but we couldn't find the information online. So I called United Airlines again. This time, the agent explained that one domestic roundtrip ticket would be roughly 25,000 miles, at minimum. At that point, I pulled out the calculator and started putting figures together. Bank of America gives 1 mile for every 2 dollars spent. So at that rate, I would need to spend $50,000 before I could ever redeem the miles. Being naive, I originally thought that the previous agent told me it would be mile-for-mile (ex. if from my place to ATL is 1,500 miles roundtrip, then I would need 1,500 miles in order to travel).

I couldn't believe I had fallen for something so crazy. I made a huge mistake. I signed up for the program without reading up on the rules, first!

#DearUnitedAirlines, y'all almost got me! Thanks for teaching me a lesson. I'll read the fine print next time. #That'sAll

Flashback

Dear Ken,

This song got me through undergrad and grad schools. #EnoughSaid

Dear Ken,

It's a small improvement, but I'm making progress!

#That'sAll