Ahhh, I hate procrastinating!

So yesterday, I did absolutely nothing, and I fault the weather.  I have some article revisions due by midnight. Lets hope they are error-free ... gotta do better!

My mom said it best, "Ken, even if you have to stand alone, don't compromise your integrity." She left out the part that it would not be an easy task to do!

Last Friday, I experienced a situation that I was not expecting. It hit me in the face from nowhere. Some would even say it was minor. I had the opportunity to follow the lead or to stand up for what was right. In doing so, I am at so much peace that I decided to remove myself from the unexpected and ultimately keep my decorum in tact.

In life, it is the small things that say a lot about a person's character. Everyone has a unique personality, but when there is blatant disrespect towards another person, I have made a personal pledge that I won't stand by and idly watch ... unacceptable.

Moving from adolescent to young adult, I have to be an example and a mentor to those who are coming behind me. Definitely I have made some mistakes, did some regrettable things, placed myself in some compromising situations and even indulged in some risky behavior. Am I now a pope, priest or bishop? Absolutely not. But at this point in life, I have to make a conscious decision to move forward from old behavior and place myself on a path that is less destructive.

#Maturing

This is why I love me some Whitney Houston!

Dear Ken,

My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.

These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!

No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.

When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!

I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.

Life, liberty and the the pursuit of happiness...

Dear God,

Please allow my public life to be a stage that aligns with what I confess to you in private. Forgive my shortcomings. Amen

Fee Frustrations

Dear Ken,

So I tried something new: Online Bill Pay. Apparently, I misread (or didn't understand) what Bank of America was requesting of me. Today, I received about 5 checks in the mail - thinking the payments were being sent to the appropriate creditors. I immediately went to the websites of where the checks were intended to be sent and started making payments online. To my surprise, these companies are charging ridiculous convenience fees.

One company wanted $5, another company $3.75, get this - one wanted $13!!! Hell NO!

Needless to say, I am super frustrated right now. Why in the hell am I charged a fee to pay a bill? Forget paying bills online; I'll just resort to the old school method and mail in my payments! These companies are assessing some really absurd and astronomical fees. So much for moving forward...

#UGH

Growing pains

Dear Ken,

My calf muscles are beat!

On the weekends I am able to run longer distances in preparation for the upcoming marathon.  Usually, I do not feel the agonizing pain until a few days later.  What I've noticed is that as I progress in mileage, the worse the pain gets.  A friend, who has been running for years, mentioned that the muscles have to get familiar with the longer distances. As I continue to progress, the pain should become less obvious. Lets hope so because I had to limp around the office today.

So much for growing!

Dear Ken,

These past twenty-four years have been a roller coaster. It seems like each year, my passion and drive for life changes. At one point, I wanted to have a career in journalism and the next year, I fell in love with higher education. Now, there seems to be another desire. So much for having clear direction with Sallie Mae knocking at the front door!! I guess I'll frame the bachelor and master degrees and wait for future career opportunities.

On a side note - as I prepare to head off to church, I am recalling past memories. I wrote an entry to an acquaintance who claimed to be having a difficult time moving past an old friend. In my response, and what continues to resonate with me, I wrote: some memories are worth forgetting. I guess I'll cling to the very words that I shared with him. I'll post more about this later. Church is starting; I need to hop in the shower.

Happy Sunday!

My life is not my own!!

Dear Ken,

Three days into 2011, and I am going back to my first love.  Wow. These three days have been extremely refreshing.  I've longed to be back in this position with God.  This is the most incredible feeling, ever.  I didn't realize how far I had drifted away from Him.  But I'm so glad that He didn't give up on me.  Each day has been a test, but I have made a commitment that this year will be extremely different.  Didn't realize that giving up some friendships would be difficult, but I promise - God is more important to me right now!

My life is not my own. To you I belong. I give myself to you.

 

Little to no time ... 11 targets

Dear Ken,

The past two weeks have been incredibly busy - shopping, entertaining and celebrating the holiday festivities. Most, if not all, of my energy has been exhausted.

I am not too big on making resolutions for the new year; however, this year, I came up with 11 targets that I hope to achieve, in no particular order:

-spend more time with family
-finish writing the book
-exercise/workout consistently
-less drinking
-narrow down educational goals
-progress in my career
-less partying
-strengthen relationship with God
-live without regrets
-open myself up to be loved :-)
-establish solid friendships & surround myself with positive influences and re-evaluate current friendships

FREEDOM!!!

Dear Ken,

This song right here echoes the sentiments of my heart!

Sony Vaio

This laptop screen is a little blurry. Perhaps the resolution needs adjusting ... I ain't sure! All I know is -- something's terribly wrong. I'm clueless because this picture looks weird. Sorta like my first time being exposed to this scenario.

Let me press the F5 key to see if the page would automatically refresh. Perhaps life could be this easy. But I'm not sure if my life could actually be revived. Life's innumerable enigmas have caught me off guard. As a young child, I sit here staring and gazing in amazement at the black keys wondering what would happen if I struck this 7 key. Would the Print Screen key show me my life on paper? Page Down cause that shit won't be nothing nice to look at. Can I skip over the lessons that I'd rather not encounter and Page Up when I want to repeat some of life encounters that were user-friendly and comfortable? Hell, let me Pause Break, repeatedly, when life seems less problematic and Scroll Lock once life acquires a tad bit of normalcy.

Oh wow... this bump is arduous, and I can't afford to expend more energy than necessary worrying about what I have no control over. I wonder if I CAPS LOCK and randomly tap a few keys -- would someone hear the echoes of my cry ... AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS? If not, I'll still cry. So, as I close my eyes, reach over and tap Enter to go to the next phase of my life, I can only pray that perhaps the next line would be less demanding.

I recognize those 1-2-3 characters because those were the simple lessons that life taught me. I even see an A-B and a C. Would this Shift Lock key highlight the struggles that I am too embarrass to confront or admit, and would this Backspace key allow me to back-out before I get in too far over my head? Ctrl Alt Delete might allow me to end this program before the virus takes over my laptop.

I Hear you!!!

Dear God,

I hate repeating lessons. This time, you have my undivided attention. I'm listening. Speak. #That'sAll

Ken

It's the principle of it!

I was standing at the checkout counter purchasing a gift card when an older guy approached. In a rather distracting tone he yelled at the cashier, “That machine didn’t give me my penny!” At that moment, I looked back and grinned, thinking he was joking. When the attendant ignored him, he got upset and repeated himself, “Lady … that machine right there didn’t give me my penny.” By then, I knew he was serious. So the cashier went into her pocket, obviously bothered, and handed the guy a penny.

As I walked out to my car, I jokingly asked the dude, “You wanted your penny, huh?” He said, “Yeah, man. It’s the principle of it. If they didn’t give me my penny, I wonder how many dollars they done took.” I laughed and went on my way.

When I got to work, I was telling a colleague what I had witnessed. At that point, I started dissecting what he had said. Ultimately, in the less-than-15-second conversation, I walked away thinking about the dangers of overlooking the small and simple stuff.

When does a situation become too big before we address it? Or when is it appropriate to turn a blind eye to something that appears minor?

Surely, most people do not turn back and ask for their penny. But how many times does the unhealthy relationship begin with a finger point to the head and then a push … eventually a slap and whatever else that follows?

Or when we recognize something is not right with our body, we acknowledge it, but do not seek the proper medical attention – only to find out later that the small pain was actually something greater than what we expected.

How about the first time Little Johnny cursed and we laughed it off … only to discover that the cursing turned into him becoming a Preschool bully, a juvenile delinquent by 15 and in prison for the rest of his life for capital murder?

It is the simple things, in life, that we overlook that could potentially cause the greatest harm. So while I laughed at the older guy checking out asking for his penny, I am able to laugh at myself for not really understanding what he meant when he said: “It’s the principle of it.”

thank you

Blogging during service

Dear Ken,

Right now, I am sitting in the middle of an unconventional worship service. A friend just text'd and asked, "What is going on in here?" It's so amazing to watch the Holy Spirit have its way - even when it is outside of our traditional methods. Folks are wrapped around the altar, weeping, tears flowing and are giving their life to Christ. #Beautiful

Simple lesson

Dear Ken,

I almost got got, yesterday!

United Airlines contacted me about setting up an account with their dividend mileage program. The agent over the phone sounded really convincing. She had me thinking "why the hell haven't I heard about this program?" You know - sorta like the frequent flyer miles with the other airlines.

I spoke with a colleague about how the program sounded too good to be true. She and I began researching on their website, but we couldn't find the information online. So I called United Airlines again. This time, the agent explained that one domestic roundtrip ticket would be roughly 25,000 miles, at minimum. At that point, I pulled out the calculator and started putting figures together. Bank of America gives 1 mile for every 2 dollars spent. So at that rate, I would need to spend $50,000 before I could ever redeem the miles. Being naive, I originally thought that the previous agent told me it would be mile-for-mile (ex. if from my place to ATL is 1,500 miles roundtrip, then I would need 1,500 miles in order to travel).

I couldn't believe I had fallen for something so crazy. I made a huge mistake. I signed up for the program without reading up on the rules, first!

#DearUnitedAirlines, y'all almost got me! Thanks for teaching me a lesson. I'll read the fine print next time. #That'sAll

Flashback

Dear Ken,

This song got me through undergrad and grad schools. #EnoughSaid

Dear Ken,

It's a small improvement, but I'm making progress!

#That'sAll

Hours wasted?

Dear Ken,

I hate being a procrastinator!

Waking up extra early (8 a-m) on a weekend, I had this perfect outline of how the day would go. What have I accomplished? Not a damn thing! It's now 2:56, and there is so much to get done. Should I skip the gym? Heck no! Should I be sitting here on blogger.com writing an entry? #iLaugh

Well, this day hasn't been all that unproductive. I was able to complete some major research for an upcoming presentation. Also, I was able to get about a page of the book written! So, yay me!!

#GymTime

On a s/n, I have been playing this song all morning ...

Dying daily!

Dear Ken,

I love having random moments.

Yesterday, a coworker and I were talking about something. Honestly, I can't even recall what the topic of conversation was about. However, in the midst of her speaking, she unintentionally gave me a wonderful reminder. In our 15-minute conversation, the only words I remember are: I die to sin daily. At that moment, I had a light bulb moment. It hit me. No matter how perfect I strive to be, I have to crucify the flesh on a continual basis.

#DearCoworker, Thank you for the reminder! #That'sAll

Of two minds

Dear Ken,

Today is one of those days. Lately, when I have been feeling some kind of way, I have refrained from writing about it. It is refreshing to remember how writing makes everything seems so peaceful and calm. Thankfully, nothing too major is happening; my drive and passion has just been temporarily exhausted. In moments like this, I have to pause and contemplate the next phases in my life. It is amazing and, yet, bittersweet to have awakening opportunities. The growing pains - not so much.

Looking back on life, I am overwhelmed with excitement of how each obstacle has built upon the next. During the period of uncertainty, I was confused, but after experiencing the unfortunates, it seems like everything fell in place. Kinda makes me think about the scripture "all things work together for the good..." You all know the rest.

Recently, things have not worked out as I have hoped. What do you do when you have a perfect plan or beautiful dream and it falls backwards? I'm telling you - it hasn't been easy. How about when you have to a tie a knot at the end of your rope and hold on to the last little bit of string that is left? Even harder!

Sometimes, it is extremely embarrassing to be completely transparent about life. But as I move from one year to the next, it seems like what I have once thought was difficult to talk about is rolling a lot smoother from my lips. For some strange reason, life has a way of making you face the truths of being strong and unsure, weak and bold, a success and having failures all at once.

So as I move from yesterday to today, I have to make a conscious effort to persevere in the face of setbacks and ambiguous moments. I have to reach deep and pull up the often forgotten strength to endure in times of weaknesses, and rely on the sometimes bruised faith to get me over these steep mountains. Oh for the love of challenges!

#LetsGo

More technology, please?

Uh-o! There goes technology.

Yesterday, I purchased the myTouch4G phone, that came out on Wednesday. Lets just say - there is so much that I thought I knew but didn't really know.

See, technology is ever-changing. There's now video chat, mobile TV, live streaming and thousands of other apps in the Android market. I don't think I can keep up with all of this. Am I getting older FAST or is technology going too fast?! Maybe both.

I frown upon the day when I turn to my child (oh goodness) and ask, "Now, how do you use that?" #That'sJustWrong So, I'll just resort back to my typewriter days!

Early voting

Dear Ken,

Early voting begins today! Before heading off to work, I had to go and show my support for Bill White. #LetsGoBillWhite

SN: This song here just spoke to me. Ah, I love this oldie ...

Amazing life lesson

Dear Ken,

On my last day to prepare before the half marathon, I learned a really incredible lesson.

I absolutely hate running on a treadmill. Spending what seems like an infinite amount of time running in place is dreadful. Leaving work close to the sun setting, I had no other choice. Running after dark is just too dangerous.

So what’s the lesson? It’s not that I was running and going nowhere, but it was the guy who ran next to me that caused me to reflect on life. Here’s what happened:

I was really running. It was about 45-minutes into my run on an incline of 2.0 and a speed of 6.0 when a guy approached the treadmill to the right of me. To his surprise, the treadmill had a “not in service” sign posted. To hide the embarrassment, he immediately went to the left of me – finding a very operable piece of equipment.

Watching Fox News, amazed at the smiles and triumphant attitudes of those 33 men in Chile who survived underground for 69 days, I was interrupted by a continuous thump. It was the dude to the left of me running for his life. Being curious, I glanced down at how fast he was running (because clearly he was keeping up too much noise). He was running at a speed of 7.4 on an incline of 0. By this time, I had been on the treadmill for about 45 minutes running at a nice pace – with energy left to burn.

Listening to the thumping noise was rather distracting. About 10 minutes into his run, I noticed the noise began to come to a halt. As he was exiting the treadmill, he said, “Wow, it looks like you’ve been running a good minute, and you’re still going … I’m exhausted.”

It wasn’t until he left that I began to contemplate what had occurred.

See – he ran about 10 minutes at a faster pace and a lower incline but got tired and gave up. Running slower, at a higher incline, I had enough strength to last way longer after he had left.

It hit me.

Often times in life, I look at the person next to me and see how fast they are excelling in their career, education or the like, and then I look back at myself and notice that I’m moving at a much slower pace. But in all honesty, the run taught me that it’s not how fast I go in life, but the fact that I am able to succeed at the level that I am on and endure until the finish.

I’m really looking forward to the race. I’m also looking forward to the next challenges in my life.

#RunningOn

Early a-m thoughts

Dear Ken,

It's dangerous to live without covering, but these last few months have increasingly shortened my faith. This is a rather embarrassing confession, but it is the truth. Mounting situations have made it difficult to see beyond the inevitable. Friends say that "this is a faith walk". But what do I do when there is no faith?

Since it's 4:15 in the morning, I better roll back over so I can be at my best at work.

Good morning :)