Blended Families

Second grade was a life-changing time for me. I recall my mom and dad uprooting and relocating for my father's job. During this crucial time, being in an unfamiliar city, my father consciously decided to step outside of the marriage. He eventually divorced us and left. At the age of only 7 or 8 -- the realities of my father not being present was simply bewildering. The emptiness devastated me.

Just recently, I tried to count this whole ordeal as complete; however, the memories simply won't fade. Not wishing to place blame or fault on anyone, I occasionally replay the "what if's..." and wonder how different my life would be had he continued in his capacity of being the absolute father figure.

My mom is a true catalyst of having a robust spirit and being able to endure the hard pressures of life. Because of her immense attitude of refusing to succumb to the tragedy of being alone and single, she began dating again. Being immature and a selfish child, I wanted her all to myself. Her now-husband, who I grudgedly call my step father, only complicated the situation. He was an anomaly to our family being able to successfully move forward after the divorce. I still cringe at the very thought of the day he moved in with us.

An article titled, "The Role of Being a Step Dad" mentions that step dads often have a hard time adjusting to the natural love that a hereditary father might have for his child. One could expect there to be difficulties and jealousies after being blindsided and forced to allow someone else into the family picture. The article mentions that “a new step dad may have the willingness and be putting forth the effort to grow into this relationship with the kids, but the kids may have trouble adapting to this and need their own time to adjust to it” (Velez, 1999).

A friend and I who share similar experiences were discussing our views of a blended family. Does it work? We concluded that the blended family could work. However, the new person has to be introduced in a very cautious manner and cannot be viewed as someone who is intruding or attempting to replace the father. This could have a long-term detrimental effect on the future of the step dad and the child’s relationship. Speaking first hand, accepting my step dad has been one of my greatest struggles – even after 15 years.