Dear Ken,
My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.
These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!
No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.
When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!
I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label struggles. Show all posts
05 February 2011
13 June 2010
Struggle
This one vice is getting the best of me. Often times, I think, "if I didn't struggle in this area, I would be ok." This truly keeps my face to the ground. Not out of embarrassment but in hopes of establishing some sort of plan to do better. I look at the situation day in and day out and nothing seems to improve. I might go a week without thinking of engaging, but sometimes, the weight of doing overshadows the times without.
Removing the mask and confronting this issue head on has been quite difficult. I've tried fasting in hopes of gaining some sort of discipline ... much failure! And then, professional help, ie counseling didn't help either. So I look at this and ask, "what do I do next?" Should I reevaluate the situation and continue to make excuses or microscopically examine the root cause? Well, at least, that's what the highly recommended counselor suggested. And after I've gotten to the bottom of the condition, then what?
Is is that I'm seeking one thing and forgetting the other? Or do I already have what I'm seeking and lack the self-control? Whatever the case might be, all I know is that I stand by what I wrote earlier: "This one vice is getting the best of me".
What are your struggles?
Removing the mask and confronting this issue head on has been quite difficult. I've tried fasting in hopes of gaining some sort of discipline ... much failure! And then, professional help, ie counseling didn't help either. So I look at this and ask, "what do I do next?" Should I reevaluate the situation and continue to make excuses or microscopically examine the root cause? Well, at least, that's what the highly recommended counselor suggested. And after I've gotten to the bottom of the condition, then what?
Is is that I'm seeking one thing and forgetting the other? Or do I already have what I'm seeking and lack the self-control? Whatever the case might be, all I know is that I stand by what I wrote earlier: "This one vice is getting the best of me".
What are your struggles?
18 October 2009
Addictions
Most people struggle with an addiction. Whether it's sexual, work, alcohol, shopping, porn, drugs, eating, exercising, internet (facebook, twitter), or playing video games. People become addicts because the activity has a positive feeling. There is an excitement that entices a continual dependency. Addictions in some form can be extremely destructive. Marriages have ended, children have severed ties with their parents (vice versa), some have lost jobs and others have thrown up their hands and walked away from everything. The consequences of being an addict can have such devastating results.
Dealing with addictions can be the hardest struggles a person faces. The question than an addict generally has is: "Why can't I stop?" Being addicted to anything can be embarrassing. Often times, people refrain from discussing their addiction of out fear that people will perceive them as lacking self-control. In most instances, the desire is so overwhelming that it takes up a huge portion of their time either through the consumption or thoughts of engaging.
What is an addiction that you are dealing with? Perhaps it’s something that you do not speak of. Perhaps others are aware. What is your strategic plan that you have in place to help you overcome this addiction? I would encourage you to speak with a licensed counselor or professional to discuss your addiction. Here are some website resources:
Addiction Help Line
Overcoming Pornography Addiction (University of Texas Dallas)
The Center for Internet Addiction
Alcoholic and Drug Addictions
Also, check with your health insurance provider. Most carries support these types of services.
Dealing with addictions can be the hardest struggles a person faces. The question than an addict generally has is: "Why can't I stop?" Being addicted to anything can be embarrassing. Often times, people refrain from discussing their addiction of out fear that people will perceive them as lacking self-control. In most instances, the desire is so overwhelming that it takes up a huge portion of their time either through the consumption or thoughts of engaging.
What is an addiction that you are dealing with? Perhaps it’s something that you do not speak of. Perhaps others are aware. What is your strategic plan that you have in place to help you overcome this addiction? I would encourage you to speak with a licensed counselor or professional to discuss your addiction. Here are some website resources:
Addiction Help Line
Overcoming Pornography Addiction (University of Texas Dallas)
The Center for Internet Addiction
Alcoholic and Drug Addictions
Also, check with your health insurance provider. Most carries support these types of services.
03 October 2009
Blended Families
Second grade was a life-changing time for me. I recall my mom and dad uprooting and relocating for my father's job. During this crucial time, being in an unfamiliar city, my father consciously decided to step outside of the marriage. He eventually divorced us and left. At the age of only 7 or 8 -- the realities of my father not being present was simply bewildering. The emptiness devastated me.
Just recently, I tried to count this whole ordeal as complete; however, the memories simply won't fade. Not wishing to place blame or fault on anyone, I occasionally replay the "what if's..." and wonder how different my life would be had he continued in his capacity of being the absolute father figure.
My mom is a true catalyst of having a robust spirit and being able to endure the hard pressures of life. Because of her immense attitude of refusing to succumb to the tragedy of being alone and single, she began dating again. Being immature and a selfish child, I wanted her all to myself. Her now-husband, who I grudgedly call my step father, only complicated the situation. He was an anomaly to our family being able to successfully move forward after the divorce. I still cringe at the very thought of the day he moved in with us.
An article titled, "The Role of Being a Step Dad" mentions that step dads often have a hard time adjusting to the natural love that a hereditary father might have for his child. One could expect there to be difficulties and jealousies after being blindsided and forced to allow someone else into the family picture. The article mentions that “a new step dad may have the willingness and be putting forth the effort to grow into this relationship with the kids, but the kids may have trouble adapting to this and need their own time to adjust to it” (Velez, 1999).
A friend and I who share similar experiences were discussing our views of a blended family. Does it work? We concluded that the blended family could work. However, the new person has to be introduced in a very cautious manner and cannot be viewed as someone who is intruding or attempting to replace the father. This could have a long-term detrimental effect on the future of the step dad and the child’s relationship. Speaking first hand, accepting my step dad has been one of my greatest struggles – even after 15 years.
Just recently, I tried to count this whole ordeal as complete; however, the memories simply won't fade. Not wishing to place blame or fault on anyone, I occasionally replay the "what if's..." and wonder how different my life would be had he continued in his capacity of being the absolute father figure.
My mom is a true catalyst of having a robust spirit and being able to endure the hard pressures of life. Because of her immense attitude of refusing to succumb to the tragedy of being alone and single, she began dating again. Being immature and a selfish child, I wanted her all to myself. Her now-husband, who I grudgedly call my step father, only complicated the situation. He was an anomaly to our family being able to successfully move forward after the divorce. I still cringe at the very thought of the day he moved in with us.
An article titled, "The Role of Being a Step Dad" mentions that step dads often have a hard time adjusting to the natural love that a hereditary father might have for his child. One could expect there to be difficulties and jealousies after being blindsided and forced to allow someone else into the family picture. The article mentions that “a new step dad may have the willingness and be putting forth the effort to grow into this relationship with the kids, but the kids may have trouble adapting to this and need their own time to adjust to it” (Velez, 1999).
A friend and I who share similar experiences were discussing our views of a blended family. Does it work? We concluded that the blended family could work. However, the new person has to be introduced in a very cautious manner and cannot be viewed as someone who is intruding or attempting to replace the father. This could have a long-term detrimental effect on the future of the step dad and the child’s relationship. Speaking first hand, accepting my step dad has been one of my greatest struggles – even after 15 years.
17 May 2009
Gratefulness
Yesterday, I took about an 8-hour sabbatical from life and her daily responsibilities; releasing me to rest and not think about the impending tasks that needs to be accomplished in the coming days. Thinking – it would be great to have a four day workweek and a three day weekend. I would like that! Having one to a day and a half to handle situations that cannot be resolved throughout the workday is challenging.
Right now, I am up and getting ready to head out to church. I am definitely reminded of God’s grace on a daily basis. Sometimes I get caught up in doing me; however, He quickly reminds me of His love when I am flaky and inconsistent. Getting caught up in wanting to have a successful career, continuing my education and overcoming insurmountable obstacles – usually brings me to my knees to give the honor to the Creator for shining on me.
Before I start a sermon ;), I need to head and shower. Church is in an hour. I'll leave you all with a YouTube video of Fantasia singing "Total Praise".
Have a great day, peeps!
*knockout*
Right now, I am up and getting ready to head out to church. I am definitely reminded of God’s grace on a daily basis. Sometimes I get caught up in doing me; however, He quickly reminds me of His love when I am flaky and inconsistent. Getting caught up in wanting to have a successful career, continuing my education and overcoming insurmountable obstacles – usually brings me to my knees to give the honor to the Creator for shining on me.
Before I start a sermon ;), I need to head and shower. Church is in an hour. I'll leave you all with a YouTube video of Fantasia singing "Total Praise".
Have a great day, peeps!
*knockout*
25 February 2009
Texas Giant
About two years ago, a friend and I decided on taking a last minute trip to an amusement park. He was surprised when I told him that I had never been on the Texas Giant. With much anticipation, our first course of action when we arrived was to get on the big high-rise. Waiting in line, I remember my heart was beating so hard that it could have jumped out at any moment. The thought of going up over 140 feet in the air, on wood, was scary. Therefore, I asked to sit closer to the back.
The relevance of this ride in comparison to life is that often times, we have slow ups -- the challenges or situations that we avoid because they appear minor but eventually blow up in the end. Then, there are the fast downs -- when obstacles appear to be stacked on top of the other and the only alternatives that seems hopeful are: to quit, give up everything and walk away, throw a self-tantrum or to quit. Then, the side-to-sides are the opportunities that looks promising one day and then all of a sudden, swift change occurs without adequate notice. Finally, the rollercoaster was rather bumpy with heavy shakes. Hmmm. Sounds similar to life, right?
This proved to be one of the most interesting rides because when I got off the Texas Giant, I had a massive headache; one that I had never experienced before. The odd part is that the headache lasted for only a few minutes. The small pain that I felt then equates to natural struggles that appear hopeless in the moment, but once surviving what seems insurmountable, the growth, laughter and simple experience makes life all the more enjoyable. Now I'm thinking... I just can't wait until opening day on February 28th, so that I can hop onto the Texas Giant and experience in 3 minutes what life sometimes feel like.
*knockout*
The relevance of this ride in comparison to life is that often times, we have slow ups -- the challenges or situations that we avoid because they appear minor but eventually blow up in the end. Then, there are the fast downs -- when obstacles appear to be stacked on top of the other and the only alternatives that seems hopeful are: to quit, give up everything and walk away, throw a self-tantrum or to quit. Then, the side-to-sides are the opportunities that looks promising one day and then all of a sudden, swift change occurs without adequate notice. Finally, the rollercoaster was rather bumpy with heavy shakes. Hmmm. Sounds similar to life, right?
This proved to be one of the most interesting rides because when I got off the Texas Giant, I had a massive headache; one that I had never experienced before. The odd part is that the headache lasted for only a few minutes. The small pain that I felt then equates to natural struggles that appear hopeless in the moment, but once surviving what seems insurmountable, the growth, laughter and simple experience makes life all the more enjoyable. Now I'm thinking... I just can't wait until opening day on February 28th, so that I can hop onto the Texas Giant and experience in 3 minutes what life sometimes feel like.
*knockout*
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)