I am so exhausted right about now. Today was run day!!!  Those couple of hours were the best in my life ... just so proud I was able to finish! I need a full-body massage right about now.

If it’s meant to be it’ll happen.

Those are the words of my high school mentor to me when I was worried about getting accepted into college. Unfortunately, I was not admitted to my first choice. At the time, I didn’t understand why.

Fast-forward.

Next, I applied to social and professional organizations that I felt would fuel momentum to move ahead. I didn't get accepted into some.

Fast-forward, again!

Later, I applied for several positions that I was the finalist for. I didn’t get them either.

Fast-forward, some more.

When I finally decided to start dating, it was the rejection that hurt the most.

And now that I’m making some crucial life transitions, I have to constantly remind myself, that for whatever reason, whether good or bad – I can’t force things to fit where they don’t belong. Knowing this, I’ll have to suck up my pride and allow life to happen as is.

Poster child

I haven't written poetry in a minute, but today I went back to where I first started. Here's a piece that I penned when I experienced a sudden shift back in 2006, entitled "Poster child". Enjoy!

Poster child
by Ken

I am no longer the poster child

Sitting here with my antiquated blue suit and outlandish pin-striped tie

I am the face of the older generation

When the epidemic was so great and the plight of our community was inevitable

Boy have we come a long way

I am no longer the poster child

We have come to embrace and accept the smile

It is now perfectly okay to laugh through the tear

Campaigns have been enacted all across the world

Boy this launch is progressive

I am no longer the poster child

As my dimple peaks through a successful treatment

Society now tries to understand our quandaries

In a world where the younger are encouraged

Boy we have to hold fast to the movement

I am no longer the poster child

My heart ached for someone to recognize the sentiments of the struggle

The displacement and disproportionate impact is unsettled

Looking through these lenses, perhaps it’s promising

Boy don’t let this moment escape us

Since the first day my mom dropped me off at Sam Houston back in 2004, she has faithfully called me at 7:30 EVERY morning. At first, the calls were great. Now, I've grown to expect them. Sometimes I reach over and hit "ignore". Other times I pause and listen to the phone vibrate. Then, there are times when I actually answer. Each time she hears a "hello" from me, she's surprised.

One thing I love about my mom is her persistence. If I go an entire week hitting the ignore button, she continues to pick up the phone and dial my number. I definitely need to do better, but she just calls too early! I've told her to start calling at 8:30 or 9. By then, I'd be ready to have an endless conversation about nothing! At 7:30, I haven't even gotten out the bed to take Barlow outside.

Nonetheless, I appreciate the calls. I dread the day that the calls stop or the day when she goes to dial my number and there's no more me.

Ah, I love my mom and dad! #GoodPeeps

Ahhh, I hate procrastinating!

So yesterday, I did absolutely nothing, and I fault the weather.  I have some article revisions due by midnight. Lets hope they are error-free ... gotta do better!

My mom said it best, "Ken, even if you have to stand alone, don't compromise your integrity." She left out the part that it would not be an easy task to do!

Last Friday, I experienced a situation that I was not expecting. It hit me in the face from nowhere. Some would even say it was minor. I had the opportunity to follow the lead or to stand up for what was right. In doing so, I am at so much peace that I decided to remove myself from the unexpected and ultimately keep my decorum in tact.

In life, it is the small things that say a lot about a person's character. Everyone has a unique personality, but when there is blatant disrespect towards another person, I have made a personal pledge that I won't stand by and idly watch ... unacceptable.

Moving from adolescent to young adult, I have to be an example and a mentor to those who are coming behind me. Definitely I have made some mistakes, did some regrettable things, placed myself in some compromising situations and even indulged in some risky behavior. Am I now a pope, priest or bishop? Absolutely not. But at this point in life, I have to make a conscious decision to move forward from old behavior and place myself on a path that is less destructive.

#Maturing

This is why I love me some Whitney Houston!

Dear Ken,

My vices have a weird way of reminding me that I am human.

These few struggles get the best of me. No matter how well I convince myself that I won't engage, indulge or perform, I somehow find myself constantly entertaining. Sometimes I wonder if I actually have the will power to say no. In the midst of the tug or war, I lose focus on the pull and succumb to the pressure. It's equivalent to an addict who's fighting the hard fight of giving up drugs. Wait - but they are addictions. Not drugs, though!

No matter how much I want to surrender and have a yes, my flesh gets weak and says otherwise. No way am I making excuses to the constant falls; I just want to finally admit and accept the fact that I can no longer change this on my own. So much so, I've began to embrace and accept it as reality. Man, this is so weird.

When I want to follow forward, it seems like I push backwards. Every "Yes" has a way of turning into a "maybe" or "later". The "I won't do this no more" often results in a "I want more and I can't live without". I just need some help!

I've admitted, accepted ... I just need some action to fall forward.

Life, liberty and the the pursuit of happiness...