Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change. –Rev. Jesse Jackson
29 June 2010
2018 (a poem i wrote 2.5 months ago)
I was kinda hesitant to post this, but I wrote this back on March 30th and published in another place, but I wanted to bring this to you to let you read it. I went through and reread it ... found a few errors - so what? It'll definitely show you how human I be :).
"2018"
I ain't even gonna lie - I'm lost. Traveling through this rough path without direction is scary. When the songwriter sung "my back is against the wall," I echo the sentiments. Head tilted to the sky ... tears streaming down my face ... now, both hands on my knees and head hung down. I think, "God, which way is right?" Afraid to go in either direction because my mind is heavy ... filled with anguish and turmoil and pain and misery and doubt and confusion. Am I delusional? Maybe so. Maybe not. This can't always be this way cause it wasn't always this way. There was a period in time when I could look up to the Father and trust Him to direct my way. But now, all I see is a blur when I seek guidance. All I can hear is noise when I ask for help. All I can feel is fierce winds beating against my body when I take one and then another step. See when I place myself in these situations, I don't understand. I seek to find. And ask to understand and challenge to grow and knock to be answered and speak to be heard and reason to make sense and walk after righteousness to live again ... be a friend to have friends. Friends. Friends ... yeah friends. Or how about friends. Who has friends? We all have friends, right? Friends who we can go to for advice or to listen or to ask questions to or to cry with and share memories with and talk to into the wee hours of the night just because their company is peaceful. But what do I do when I feel like everyone around me is moving ahead and I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place because of unfortunate circumstances? What do I do when it feels like I've been deserted and hurt by the ones who I thought I could trust? What do I do when it feels like the world is weighing heavy on my shoulders? Some say to tie a knot at the end of my rope and hold on to what little I can. But then I turn and see fathers molesting daughters and sons being raped by their uncles they thought they could trust. Then we are forced to put our faith in a failing education system that doesn't give a damn about if we make it or not. And then we look to the church for guidance only to discover that in some instances it's just a social club or a body of believers who are so judgmental that walking through the left door is sinful. God forbid that we continue judging one another and placing ourselves higher or looking or nose down on one another. Reach back and help her get up. Yeah, you may have warned her that he was no good. So what she found herself in a domestic violence situation or strung out on drugs. Help her get some help. Yeah, maybe he is saggin his pants. But have you stopped to mentor or encourage or find out the root of why he's crying out for attention. Some people make me so sick with the hypocrisy and the folly. I'm ill to my stomach because of the republicans and their obvious racist attacks against a president who believes in one fucking nation under buddah or mohhamad or allah or confucious or god. Believe in whoever the hell you want to believe in. Go to mass. Go to the kingdom hall. Go to the synagogue. Go to the temple. Go to church. Be independent. Do you. I'm so sick and tired of you telling me that I'm wrong because I'm doubtful or worry. Or that I'm abnormal because I believe on sundays when the sermon feels good and then have a hard time trusting on Tuesday through Friday. See mondays and saturdays are okay because I either just came down from a high or anticipating another high. Church has been minimized to a big pep rally, money sucking, pastor pimping organization. Maybe I'm hurt or just simply don't care anymore. Care anymore. Care anymore. Yep. That's how it feels when the little three-year old girl is walking the street barefoot because her mother is strung out on dope - with the needle still sitting in her vein - trying to find food ... can you see her with the strap of the sandle in her mouth - hopeless. We turn and walk away and get out big mansion on the other side of town - afraid to confront the real issues in our backyard. Our masters or doctorate or law degrees start to define us. We forget that we are all like sheep. Or does that verse still exist? The four year old rocking himself to sleep because he witness three and four men walking in and out of the house because the mom gotta do what she gotta do to make a living. And then he goes to school - sleeping in class and then eventually becomes a problem because he's gotten to the sixth grade and can't read. Instead of the school identifying his problem in kindergarten, then label him as "special ed" by the eighth grade. Too embarrassed by his label, he resorts to skipping school and selling drugs because he fits in ... initiated into a gang because he's finally accepted. It's too late now because he has true family, or so he thinks, that loves him. Shit, he just broke into your house the other day. And just last week, he robbed the grocery store and held one of the cashier workers at gun point. His picture is now blasted all across the news because we didn't catch him when he was 4. Standing in front of the judge, she reads off all the charges and no room for rehabilitation because you know what the systems do to those who they are afraid to give help to. Damn, just how fucked up is our judicial system and our penal codes and our governmental agencies. Give me my food stamp card. I want my health care card. Give me WIC ... wait, those are the entitlement programs that the wealthy are seeking to dissolve. Somebody gotta help me. I don't want to work. I just wanna sit at home until the employment benefits run out and then rely on uncle sam to foot the bill. I need the section 8 and then HUD housing. Man, someday our society will wake up and stare the problems in the face. I'm going to get me something to eat.
#imjustsaying
22 June 2010
Response: Listening to America's Youth
Before calling it a night, I just wanted to share with you what I wrote in response to an article posted on The Kitchen Table's blog. The article, entitled Listening to America's Youth, was about the perception of younger, church attendees, and how African-American history should be discussed more in the church. Here is my take:
Church, in all due respect, has become a social playground. I often engage in meaningful conversations with my friends about this issue. Young people are turned off by cliques and associations that have been established in the church. Where the church once was a beacon of hope for the downtrodden and a lightening rod of restoration for those who hurt -- has turned into preachers pimping the congregants and promising miracles and blessings for sacrificial seeds. This insults the intelligence of the young (and old), critical thinkers, who view the Higher One as more than a glorified sugar daddy.
While the church might not be perfect, you are correct in pointing out the significance of tradition and history. Whereas tradition calls for devotion, the new church accepts a praise team for praise and worship. Whereas the former church clings to legalistic principles such as women not preaching, unable to wear pants, not sitting in the pulpit or wearing makeup - the new age church is accepting of women rights to have participatory roles.
History is definitely important. Also, embracing change and the creativity of each church reaching the Higher One in their own way should be equally understood.
19 June 2010
Father's Day
Dear Ken,
Father's day is quickly approaching. Actually, it's tomorrrow. I can remember like yesterday when my father divorced us when I was in the second grade. That was roughly 17 years ago ... 7 years old, at the time. We had just moved. At the time, from my 7-year old lenses, it appeared that there were no major rough points in my parent’s marriage. Nonetheless, the ugliness of adultery robbed me of several years of his presence. Growing up for a good portion of the time in a single parent household was extremely difficult.
Reflecting on what one of my friend likes to refer to as “Baby’s Daddy Day,” I am compelled to recall the most fondest memories I have shared with my pops. Travelling down memory lane, some of the days have been amazing, while others have not always been the best. While my adolescent years were the most fragile and sensitive time, to date. I longed to spend time with him -- having conversations of reassurance. Those were some tough days. Because of his absence, I resorted to extreme defense mechanisms to cope with life … hard!
Lately, we have been in the process of repairing our relationship. It has not been the easiest thing, by far, but I am amazed at the continued progress. This task has required a lot of patience, from both parties. I look forward to spending the day appreciating him for being there, when he could, and for the love and support that he shows.
To all the fathers out there – Happy Father’s Day!

17 June 2010
Morning Ramblings
Preparing for the days ahead, it seems like there is so much to do and so little time to get things done. My life now consists of studying for the LSAT, reading blogs, working, a little partying (okay - a little more than a little), tweeting, and working some more. I haven't even really had a telephone conversation with some of my good friends in a long time. My mom was complaining that I rarely come to visit and how a 5 minute drive-by would be incredibly special. Guess this weekend I'll stop over.
This dieting and working out thing is going great. I'm feeling 120% better as a result of going to the gym, doing cardio, weight lifting and some of the free classes. Changing the way I eat has been a challenge. I can't even dispute that sometimes I get so tempted to stop by a fast food restaurant and chow down. However, instead of forgoing the fast food altogether, I've place strict limitations on what I can eat and how often (maybe once every 2 weeks).
I'm starting to get sleepy, but I wouldn't dare close without mentioning that I'm getting ready to start back going out on dates. After almost 2 years of living the bachelor life, I think I'm a little more mature for the whole couple lifestyle. I've ran across some really interesting folks and some real problematic ones as well. Guess the weeding and sorting is about to begin. Oh, what are you all's thoughts of long-distance dating? Does it work? How far is too far? How often should those in the relationship commit to seeing each other? Just thinking...
Not proofreading. Good night/morning.
13 June 2010
Struggle
Removing the mask and confronting this issue head on has been quite difficult. I've tried fasting in hopes of gaining some sort of discipline ... much failure! And then, professional help, ie counseling didn't help either. So I look at this and ask, "what do I do next?" Should I reevaluate the situation and continue to make excuses or microscopically examine the root cause? Well, at least, that's what the highly recommended counselor suggested. And after I've gotten to the bottom of the condition, then what?
Is is that I'm seeking one thing and forgetting the other? Or do I already have what I'm seeking and lack the self-control? Whatever the case might be, all I know is that I stand by what I wrote earlier: "This one vice is getting the best of me".
What are your struggles?
10 June 2010
If/then
If a person lives in the US, then that person must be living in North America.
From the statement, one would conclude: a person who lives in the US lives in North America, but not necessarily the opposite.
Reading further into the explanation, there's one sentence that caught my attention: "So, although you can be sure that the condition depends upon the result, you can never assume that the result requires the condition to occur."
Ok - so what am I getting at?
Nothing really. I just wanted to find a way to throw out my favorite scripture - Isaiah 59:1 (Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear). With this written, if the Lord's hands are not too short and if His ears are not too heavy, then I can rest assure that He will save and hear me!
#imjustsaying
02 April 2010
Survival!!
Leaving the "7 last sayings of Christ," I feel so proud of myself that I was able to participate in lenten season these past 47 days. I have to admit, two things got the best of me, but I was able to forgo the third - alcohol! Well, if there's a next year, I know what I won't be going without ;-).
Good day!
21 March 2010
Happy Health Care Reform!

Change has finally come to America. Representatives in the House did the right thing by passing health care reform legislation. By now, you have heard all the reasons why. This is not end, but we are definitely headed in right direction. A number of presidents have tried and failed, but President Obama and his administration got it done. Lets work to continue changing America!
19 March 2010
18 March 2010
"All blacks need to leave the store"
Coming out of New Jersey, several shoppers in Wal Mart heard: "Attention, Wal-Mart shoppers, all blacks need to leave the store" - over the store's loudspeaker. Can you believe this?
Although this may have been a prank and probably not even sanctioned by Wal Mart or one of its employees, this definitely leaves a sour taste in the mouths of black people.
As we try to shift our mindset to see beyond the color of an individual, instances such as this teaches us that we have not arrived. Even further, this shows that we should continue to have open discussions about racism and the importance of embracing others and their differences. Moving past racism is no easy undertaking, and we should not sweep a situation such as this under the rug. Lets engage.
#teachablemoments
13 March 2010
Running
Have 2 more laps on this 7-mile run/jog interval ... feeling exhausted. Nonetheless, this has been an incredible relaxer! Listening to "Peace be still" by Vanessa Bell Armstrong. She's taking me around this track! Uh-oh, stomach cramp.
06 March 2010
Marathon training
So I've started the first official day of marathon training. This will be my second marathon, and I'm really excited about it. Hitting the track for 16 laps or 4 miles did a body good! Wish me luck!
01 March 2010
20 February 2010
Stop defining me!
Winning a philosophical or religious debate is what some preachers have resorted to. What if I like some of the principles of the Catholic faith and some of the beliefs of the Jewish? How about finding those guiding principles that best relates to me and begin living and walking them out without being handcuffed or classified as a Baptist, COGIC, Muslim, Pentecostal, or Budhist.
Religious figureheads would counter and say that a "double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways" or it is appropriate to be "cold or hot - not lukewarm". Fine with that, but I am more convinced than ever that relationship trumps religion.
16 February 2010
Lenten season
Happy Fat Tuesday!
30 January 2010
28 January 2010
SOTU Thoughts
Before last night’s address, I admit that cynicism and pessimistic sentiments started to creep in. Over this past year, President Obama and his administration have had to make some pretty unpopular and bold actions. Some moves have been received with pretty moderate support while others have been unwelcoming, especially from the Party of No. Some of the administration’s important first steps have alienated independent voters and frustrated a lot of the democrats along the way.
His speech served to reinforce the very idea that we know is true: this is America’s defining moment. Although in the past she has deprived the black race of some of the most basic and essential liberties, the acronym USA embodies a substantial buoyancy of hope and justice and freedom and democracy and independence.
President Obama’s tone in his first State of the Union compared to that of the 43rd President’s was noticeably different. Whereas former President Bush’s main priority was the War on Terror, there was a symbol of new wars headed our way: War of Fixing the Economy, War on Getting Americans Back to Work, War on Health Care, War on K-12 and Higher Education, and War on Putting American’s Needs in Front of Partisan Bickering. He shifted the nation’s top priorities. This is most needed.
Middle class Americans have it hard. It is a daily fight to prevent home foreclosures, work to make ends meet, taking out a student loan to gain access to a quality and affordable education, working to combat racial disparities, unfair gender or sexual discrimination – while those on the other side of the aisle live with insensible tax breaks and record bonuses.
Americans were often reminded last year that we needed to tighten our belts and that those on the Hill would be more committed than ever to ensure that our economy rebounds, people get back to work, and that reaching across the divided party line would become normal practices – all for the common purpose of creating a more perfect Union. But is it so? Our belts cannot get any tighter!
President Obama reminded me tonight that he gets it. He understands the hard times that everyday people are facing. He is in touch with those who wake up each day on a daily grind to find employment, and those who have to choose between feeding their children or provide adequate health care coverage.
When times get hard, people bail. What we cannot afford is the government turning its back on the people who need the resources the most. President Obama explained that it is not about winning another election, but it is about getting the people’s work done.
We elected them. We decide if they stay or go.
25 January 2010
Rundown
- Fantasia's show comes on tonight.
- The US Supreme Court gave the okay for unlimited amount of monies to be donated to political figures from corporations (bad idea)
- First Lady Michelle Obama stopped by "The Wendy Williams Show"... well, a wax figure did.
- Super Bowl is February 7: Saints vs Colts (not worth watching)
- President Obama will deliver his first State of the Union speech on Wednesday.
- Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke term expires on 1/31/10 - will he be reconfirmed?
- President Obama told ABC: "I'd rather be a really good one-term president than a mediocre two-term president."
- Black History Month is just seven days away.
23 January 2010
Health care reform to jobs
As much as I hate that this is happening, the democrats can only fault themselves for taking way too long to pass the bill. Boy oh boy do I dislike the agenda of the Republican Party; however, I can honestly admit - when they did have the majority, they pushed their legislation through, with or without bipartisan support. Democrats failed to deliver. And when November comes around, if the dems have fewer seats, think: health care.
Speaker Nancy Pelosi admitted earlier this week that she does not have enough votes in the House to pass the middle-of-the-road, not-what-was-originally-promised Health Care Reform that the Senate passed. Perhaps these representatives fear that a stamp of approval on this legislation would equate to less votes in the upcoming election. Rightfully so - because several left-leaning liberals, including myself, was depending on those who are seated now to get it right. And they did not.
Several of my friends have either graduated college or is pretty close to graduating. Growing up, our parents placed emphasis on finishing high school and going to college "so that you can get a good job". Okay. It has happened. Where are the jobs? Americans are hurting.
Everyone that can work and wants to work, should be able to work! This Congress definitely needs to step up and deliver. We need jobs (oh, and REAL health care reform, too).
22 January 2010
Busy week
Wow. This week has been extremely busy. Each time I turned the netbook or laptop on to begin a blog entry, within a minute, I hit the start and shut down button!
Even though I have a huge to-do list, or what I refer to as my "get-er-done list", life has a way of placing me in uncomfortable situations that ultimately prevents me from reaching the finish line. Through the madness and chaos of the daily routines, anything that appears out of the nowhere becomes a distraction.
Have you ever had a structure or specific way to achieve a goal, but either through unforeseen circumstances or procrastination, you did not accomplish what you set out to finish?
Well, as I pause for a brief moment to mobile blog while working out on the elliptical, I am most grateful for those distractions that catch me off guard. Without those interruptions, whether small or large, I would be less motivated to find the strength to survive these storms.
#imjustsaying
18 January 2010
MLK Day Rundown
Today the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday, or National Day of Service, was filled with excitement and remembrance of a legend!
Starting at 11, on the windy streets of Downtown Fort Worth, I watched the annual MLK parade. People from all walks of life and races were in attendance. People sung hymns as they walk or rode. Organizations, young and old, fraternities and sororities, high school and college marching bands, community leaders, state representatives and the like – all joined in the festivities. This was sure the scene in most large cities across the nation, as we all paused to honor Dr. King on this federal holiday.
Afterwards, I attended a Battle of the Band. The presentations and crowd was absolutely phenomenal. You could feel the excitement from the students as they danced and played their instruments. Those in attendance were equally elated to be graced by the young students showing off their talents for Dr. King.
Later in the night, St John had a Dr. King celebration. The children did a great job reciting speeches, reading poems, performing through praise dances and singing solos.
Ending the day, I watched “Obama’s America: 2010 and Beyond” on MSNBC with Chris Matthews and Tom Joyner. They were live on the campus of Texas Southern University in Houston, Texas. The two-hour feature was packed with interesting views of the state of Black America and how President Obama has helped shape the future of how people perceive racism in America. I will definitely blog about this later in the week.
In all, I really did have a great time celebrating the Dr. King’s Holiday. Here are a few pictures:
13 January 2010
What's on the menu?
DPS issued a statement: "[the idea was] highly insensitive in light of certain hurtful cultural stereotypes still harbored in parts of our society."
Does the fact that the district decided to have chicken and greens on MLK Day offend you more than the fact that we have several students dropping out of school, who cannot construct a grammatically correct sentence, or a generation who struggles with math and science?
#i’mjustsaying
07 January 2010
1 year down, 7 more to go!!!
What a difference a year makes!
Although he has been faced with unprecedented events, he and his administration are to be commended. In a year, they have pulled the economy from the brinks of collapsing, made huge strides in overhauling health care (though not completed, yet), have plans to close the never-should-have-opened Guantanamo Bay, restored international confidence with our allies, and the list continues. However, America still has her hands full. As his first year comes to a halt, his to-do list has greatly increased. I look forward to witnessing him work diligently, with or without the Republican slash "do nothing party" slash "party of 'no'" – support, to put America back on the right track.

05 January 2010
Minority unemployment numbers
Each year we countdown to our birthday, to Christmas, graduation and even the New Year; this year, I am counting down to Black History Month! Celebrated in the shortest month of the year, through many toils and snares, Black America has a lot to be excited for, and a lot to worry about.
While some black people are celebrating many triumphs, victories and even firsts, it would be remiss of me to fail to highlight something that is obviously being swept under the rug - right in our face: the startling unemployment rate, in our own backyard!
Growing up, my parents along with other community leaders insisted that the best way to get ahead was by obtaining a college degree. While I do not contest their argument, I do question why there is a significant amount of blacks, with a college degree, are unemployed.
Each month, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics provide data on how well or poor America stands in the job market. The latest figures clearly represent a disproportionate number in the amount of blacks and Hispanics looking for work. These numbers have reached double-digit in the minority communities, and it appears that no one is talking about it. While I do not expect the federal government to be the problem solver to all problems, I would expect them to at least highlight and address the discrepancies.
Take a look for yourself:
Sept 2009 | Oct 2009 | Nov 2009 | |
---|---|---|---|
Whites | 9.0% | 9.5% | 9.3% |
Blacks | 15.4% | 15.7% | 15.6% |
Hispanics | 12.7% | 13.1% | 12.7% |
03 January 2010
Keeper of my Soul!
I can honestly admit that I am a long shot off from where He wants me. I sin on a daily basis. I have impure thoughts constantly. My conversations do not always include Him - often, it pertains to things that He frowns upon. Usually, I make the decision and consult Him after I have drowned myself. On a good week (notice I said good week :) ), I pray everyday! Okay - so let me tell you how often on a bad week - probably none. But on average, I pray about twice a week or when I can remember to do so. Not dwelling on the past too much, I can recall when my shower time was my worship time... oh how that has changed.
Nonetheless, as I grow older, I realize and recognize that I need God now more than ever. Without His daily touch, daily direction, daily understanding, daily manifestation, daily guide, daily voice -- I would be lost and without hope. Perhaps somewhere on the street corner, or on drugs or stripping or - But I thank Him that He loves me enough to keep me - even when I fail to thank Him or seek His face.
Yes, God, you are truly incredible!
02 January 2010
Right within your reach
A friend came over to visit and apparently, his Vaporizing Chest Rub fell out of his coat pocket onto the couch. Sure that the blue bottle with a flamboyantly colored top was not mine, I picked it up and placed it on the counter. I promise you - this bottle has been sitting in its current location prior to me getting sick. Because this bottle is right next to where I hang my keys, I passed this bottle each day of my illness.
Heeding to the instructions of my friend, he advised me to get a bottle of chest rub, among one other drug that I have been taking. Remembering that each day I passed up a weirdly colored bottle, it hit me. I had a light bulb moment. This whole time, I have been coughing, sneezing, and snorting – because the Theraflu and other drugs were not working. Last night, I applied the chest rub on my chest, in the corner of my ear, and I began coughing up the illness. The cough lasted an hour, but I am upset with myself for being too busy – going about my day without paying attention to the minor thing: this whole time, I walked right next to my solution.
As it turns out, this was the perfect lesson to begin the new year. This isolated example has taught me to be more aware of my surroundings. Often, opportunities are placed right within my reach, and it will be up to me to take the initiative and act on what is presented. Just like the bottle of chest rub that I passed each day, there are so many talented people who I come in contact with on a daily basis that could help me reach the goals that I have set out for myself. There are different resources that I unconsciously pass over. Because life is strategically arranged, in order for me to move to the next level, I will have to start looking for opportunities – even in the simple things. Perhaps, my answer is right within my reach.
Just as I seemingly stumbled into the medicine and overlooked it for a week, what encounters, people or resources have you turned a blind eye to?
24 December 2009
Senate Passes Health Care Bill
Waking up to the news that the US Senate passed its version of the health care reform was simply incredible. This brings a sense of relief and victory. However, the fight for this passage is not over. The road ahead will take tremendous negotiations - including compromises to retain the 60 senate votes after the conference committee.
In a rare Christmas Eve vote, members on Capitol Hill got it right. I definitely look forward to the "give and takes" that will occur over the next few weeks. Until then, way to go Democrats (and boo Lieberman!).